tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57928539337538133072024-02-07T09:42:34.699-08:00that looks disgustingLisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-33396969614612023062020-12-31T23:31:00.004-08:002022-01-20T07:32:24.446-08:00Cheese Ball<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzeMDA74wTOovX6q1NvwNZK6_ecrixNIu1kYnkdjRx8RfDd_tq10a4E95xyhBP4Sqfmw7rhfHV3rnGHxSlGwXlAhya30ffA9af6S3rjXdhKYBC8go8grlAHxWcNqNLZGYShTnlPHa/s1343/F791EC36-2F77-4ABD-A7F1-95755176245C.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1343" data-original-width="1343" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzeMDA74wTOovX6q1NvwNZK6_ecrixNIu1kYnkdjRx8RfDd_tq10a4E95xyhBP4Sqfmw7rhfHV3rnGHxSlGwXlAhya30ffA9af6S3rjXdhKYBC8go8grlAHxWcNqNLZGYShTnlPHa/s320/F791EC36-2F77-4ABD-A7F1-95755176245C.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p></p><div>To set the scene, it’s New Year’s Eve (2020 style) and you have a hot date with a pair of pyjamas and a jigsaw. You feel the need to add a little something to the celebration. You also feel the need to avoid doing any housework whatsoever and need a displacement activity. What are you going to do? You’re going to knock up this retro ball of gelatinous lard to eat later, that’s what.</div><div><br /></div><div>Cheese balls were a mid century staple of the cheese and wine night. You’ll be happy to hear that they are easy to make and don’t have to be served with a bottle of Blue Nun (although do consider this if you’re after authenticity and/or Covid has damaged your tastebuds).</div><div><br /></div><div>Let’s assemble some ingredients:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCtg-VezpEQiPl5Or4vAo6UmtdxNiHTlvnEEF4PYZTihs9lqVHAbJXLkULgjrgoyQSf-ONM-4OhyrAtd22c_BW7EUhM9DnZR94_riCmMVV8bk0LGdrXjicjOcqPgu43HFOaIfBCzU/s2048/B135802A-C33C-4C53-8088-99A8A8CBF746.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOCtg-VezpEQiPl5Or4vAo6UmtdxNiHTlvnEEF4PYZTihs9lqVHAbJXLkULgjrgoyQSf-ONM-4OhyrAtd22c_BW7EUhM9DnZR94_riCmMVV8bk0LGdrXjicjOcqPgu43HFOaIfBCzU/s320/B135802A-C33C-4C53-8088-99A8A8CBF746.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><b>You will need:</b></div><div><br /></div><div>A tub of full fat cream cheese</div><div>200g strong grated cheese (I used extra nature cheddar)</div><div>A bit of shallot, onion or garlic </div><div>Worcestershire sauce</div><div>Aaaaaand...it’s time to bring out that bottle of cheap Aldi whisky again. </div><div>You will also need some crunchy stuff for later. Much googling suggests that it’s not really important what the crunchy stuff is. I used toasted chopped almonds and chives.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Method:</b></div><div><br /></div><div>1. Dump the cream cheese, grated cheese, 2 teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce, a little bit of grated shallot/garlic/whatever And a generous splash of whisky into a bowl. By the way, all photos for this recipe will be taking place in front of my kitchen window because the rest of the kitchen currently looks like a bin.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjneHnaoR_p_fhYgqtihfD7LB8esTt8sEQpNTrMSB7KPfteZqJWJ-xRonNH_u5jC912mYnvasXg4Gt3XTKJQRJ9uWONOi4o_LRTpiO50kAKwAwoIli32zlBdEGZv5V3ZGkvczJAj-Qr/s2048/0ECD4155-9E3B-42D3-A48D-0C4D415AD4C1.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjneHnaoR_p_fhYgqtihfD7LB8esTt8sEQpNTrMSB7KPfteZqJWJ-xRonNH_u5jC912mYnvasXg4Gt3XTKJQRJ9uWONOi4o_LRTpiO50kAKwAwoIli32zlBdEGZv5V3ZGkvczJAj-Qr/s320/0ECD4155-9E3B-42D3-A48D-0C4D415AD4C1.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div>2. Get your hand blender out and blend the lot together until smooth-ish. Eat a celebratory cherry liqueur chocolate because it’s still sort of Christmas.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTS6NZGP2_3Tiw8w5tpg0tKEgBqN6TAxghMjUa3kpCwmA-dGV_1ZslZexJY5vSuFZxP0XAXetfbq6cVnHib2TJGghg5MpqzOXAapyU_k2YodN6lbVeQ_42bMqRuqTZhSLKnVEAO7NX/s2048/1B6FC8E2-F41F-4F97-909A-07D9CCA89C61.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTS6NZGP2_3Tiw8w5tpg0tKEgBqN6TAxghMjUa3kpCwmA-dGV_1ZslZexJY5vSuFZxP0XAXetfbq6cVnHib2TJGghg5MpqzOXAapyU_k2YodN6lbVeQ_42bMqRuqTZhSLKnVEAO7NX/s320/1B6FC8E2-F41F-4F97-909A-07D9CCA89C61.jpeg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>3. Dollop the mixture into the centre of some cling film and try not to think of dog sick.<div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzzNfLi0FBoPXZfWXiIvXz9YWS1_ppNHa0iDbpCpbF87v86Jzx7Km7LSXWsEQq-pcY-BS7ltjZLkjZkEmcyFIOjGy6ed2Bfwjc24P8pg7Z9qyWZDlHFGjWo3rYtF8Ib8VtAwcLSkY/s2048/F865EDD4-E6F0-44D0-9B51-EDFEB2222517.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQzzNfLi0FBoPXZfWXiIvXz9YWS1_ppNHa0iDbpCpbF87v86Jzx7Km7LSXWsEQq-pcY-BS7ltjZLkjZkEmcyFIOjGy6ed2Bfwjc24P8pg7Z9qyWZDlHFGjWo3rYtF8Ib8VtAwcLSkY/s320/F865EDD4-E6F0-44D0-9B51-EDFEB2222517.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div><br /><div><div>4. Form the whole thing into a ball by gathering the cling film up and twisting it at the top. Wrap this in foil and put it in the fridge to firm up for a few hours.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjul4dRRwqiTuFg7S4zy_VM0yLyTreBMePVL_FAy281CIW_nGH-gQ1s5szNDRaPzPzy59yPICRnaYbtB9z2aESVrinU_vQuONnf-4wDo7BW1xicnLLJNnvZAqYxT8NIhQU0NehMue_b/s2048/1C508BD4-F762-49E3-A775-C84EE27438EF.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjul4dRRwqiTuFg7S4zy_VM0yLyTreBMePVL_FAy281CIW_nGH-gQ1s5szNDRaPzPzy59yPICRnaYbtB9z2aESVrinU_vQuONnf-4wDo7BW1xicnLLJNnvZAqYxT8NIhQU0NehMue_b/s320/1C508BD4-F762-49E3-A775-C84EE27438EF.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div>5. Later on, assemble your crunchy stuff. I used toasted chopped almonds, chives and salt and pepper but you can use anything. Crunchy bacon bits, fried breadcrumbs or crispy fried onions would work well. Put crunchy gubbins on a plate and roll your unwrapped cheese ball all over it so that it gets covered in crunchy bits. You are aiming for the effect of kicking it across a pub carpet at closing time.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVtVSKpPfgq7ub6Pm30pPLR7nK_YhvPnFNqkfhiiefcYtuVNPdtec237gMyaGYvR3wQLeOQD3NjGXI3fze_qXvfXedVn2GEbNn0fqZzssG_I2oYhS0fkAy9MOCxPS_lliv4wRBLQL/s2048/024AF027-1BB1-4EC5-8948-7FCA9809FE08.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVtVSKpPfgq7ub6Pm30pPLR7nK_YhvPnFNqkfhiiefcYtuVNPdtec237gMyaGYvR3wQLeOQD3NjGXI3fze_qXvfXedVn2GEbNn0fqZzssG_I2oYhS0fkAy9MOCxPS_lliv4wRBLQL/s320/024AF027-1BB1-4EC5-8948-7FCA9809FE08.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div>6. Serve with crudités and eat.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzWPospWKixAtv8N2eeNWrbpeVnVvfXEbCPYFskngqMBwCBKiAUK4GZjmjbK-dTyRtV8L5i1m0Ua1bhwIwDGfzcyewQd9gBCQjjZ9XHZrRqUT6Ti9LdTm94Giz3vdvWirQS-bhpTwo/s2048/57B0B373-3D22-47F0-BAC6-5B82D9F85EB4.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzWPospWKixAtv8N2eeNWrbpeVnVvfXEbCPYFskngqMBwCBKiAUK4GZjmjbK-dTyRtV8L5i1m0Ua1bhwIwDGfzcyewQd9gBCQjjZ9XHZrRqUT6Ti9LdTm94Giz3vdvWirQS-bhpTwo/s320/57B0B373-3D22-47F0-BAC6-5B82D9F85EB4.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>This was actually very good. Shockingly so considering the ingredients. Booze and cheese forever. Try not to eat the entire thing at once - it will keep in the fridge for a few days so you’ve got no excuse really. And wash it down with more liqueur chocolates because we’ve got to get our kicks where we can at the moment.</div><div><br /></div></div></div>Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-16037993439800474732020-07-20T09:48:00.000-07:002020-07-20T12:18:27.082-07:00Whisky Marinated Grapes: a Dinner Party Abomination<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4KmjS5XKguJkibs9a55BnZwyByA0gM0tC1_bu6OxM39LnCBwuNR0EHfgBWwR_G5fbqZRm9RyTGH_ccP57JYiDxAgsgVwnGU5XqvQX-eRCxnvftaePZFXPoSJ6rlAP0eNLQIyn7C-h/s1600/7F0D9B08-BE01-42D7-BB48-228DE536886D.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="521" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4KmjS5XKguJkibs9a55BnZwyByA0gM0tC1_bu6OxM39LnCBwuNR0EHfgBWwR_G5fbqZRm9RyTGH_ccP57JYiDxAgsgVwnGU5XqvQX-eRCxnvftaePZFXPoSJ6rlAP0eNLQIyn7C-h/s320/7F0D9B08-BE01-42D7-BB48-228DE536886D.jpeg" width="260" /></a></div>
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Sometimes the best ideas are so simple. Think a plate of good quality dark chocolate with coffee in place of dessert after a civilised yet slightly bohemian dinner party; all the guests just helping themselves to a rustic chunk to savour as they tinkle with laughter in the candlelight a la Nigella Lawson’s hired friends on every cookery programme she’s ever done. Or, you know, cheesy puffs. So simple. So classic.<br />
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Sometimes the worst ideas are really simple too. Worryingly simple. So simple that any moron with a knife and a bottle of cheap booze could end up inflicting them on anybody. And that, friends, is what we are exploring today:<br />
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Whisky marinated grapes. Part of a bygone trend of the 70s to the 90s for wasting alcohol by pouring it on fruit. Remember melon with a shot of port inexplicably poured into its centre? Like that. I had a memory of grapes being subject to the same treatment for fancy dinner parties so I searched through old recipe books until I found the basic premise. And here we are.<br />
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<b>You will need:</b><br />
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Some grapes.<br />
Whisky. I am not a whisky drinker but, as luck would have it, I had half a bottle of Aldi’s finest in my cupboard from an attempt at making homemade Baileys at Christmas. It cost about £8.99. I’ll leave you to imagine the flavour and quality.<br />
A lemon<br />
Some honey<br />
Wine glasses<br />
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<b>Method:</b><br />
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1. Slice your grapes in half. You’ll need enough to fill about one third of each wine glass you’re using.<br />
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2. In a bowl, mix whisky, honey and lemon. Amounts can be left to your imagination but you want a bit more whisky than honey and only a little bit of lemon juice. Put the grapes in the bowl with the liquid, cover and put them in the fridge for a few hours. Have a little taste of the whisky mixture. Mmmmm, Benylin.<br />
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3. Take the grapes out of the fridge, whisk up some double cream and dollop it into the bottom of each wine glass. I used a Babycham glass for authenticity and frosted it with sugar, because who doesn’t enjoy something special happening around their rim?<br />
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4. Divide the grapes between the glasses then pour on the weird cough mixture juice.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJbZIskNxIKx2rKqh5BsVl3QNpK15LXRQIGcNVHYOsYA5wP47f1GDbg-_6C5l6qv7JwRbi1-MiZ-Qp6c3_UpRzmtphcTUCMfVPxRVIV5D8TvQvGNHRcJVV5oGhpPZodawt7p5Ki07Q/s1600/812C6928-D609-4532-B1C8-849E2C81FF63.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1553" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJbZIskNxIKx2rKqh5BsVl3QNpK15LXRQIGcNVHYOsYA5wP47f1GDbg-_6C5l6qv7JwRbi1-MiZ-Qp6c3_UpRzmtphcTUCMfVPxRVIV5D8TvQvGNHRcJVV5oGhpPZodawt7p5Ki07Q/s320/812C6928-D609-4532-B1C8-849E2C81FF63.jpeg" width="310" /></a></div>
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Elegant.</div>
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The grapes are an absolute abomination. They taste like frogspawn that’s been left to marinate in a vat of Night Nurse. I tentatively added a bit of cream to the spoon, expecting the flavour to be an advert for veganism. Weirdly, not so. I didn’t realise how strongly the early 80s tasted like cream dunked in cheap booze until I put this in my mouth. A hundred weird food related memories came flooding back, which is concerning as I was aged 2-11 in that particular decade. Maybe it was acceptable to lace your kids jelly and ice cream with alcohol back then. It wouldn’t surprise me. Either way, I’ve just consumed a lot of cream, some questionable grapes and some a lot of cheap alcohol that’s given me that “I smoke 40 a day” feeling in my chest. I am nostalgic, somewhat nauseous and full of remorse.</div>
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Creamy cough syrup grapes: try them if you dare.</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-24856908182478986102020-07-16T05:46:00.000-07:002020-07-16T09:38:28.561-07:00Silver swans - a children’s party classic. Apparently.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It’s been a while. Last time I was here, I taste tested enough grim Christmas breakfasts to kick start a range of gastrointestinal symptoms to put me off of retro food adventuring for...oh, about two and a half years.<br />
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I thought I’d ease myself back into it with something inoffensive. Something without any comedy 1970s ingredients. Something with fond memories.<br />
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So, we’re revisiting this classic 80s recipe book.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkHU8cVfhWfabFqWztp5tM-t52EExVrZH6qupO3XGlMliCsOKTMyiWvrDZzgaZ6PN_tTEJT8MI2tPWzF_gemWbxODD66meqEnV0B9zMhcK93wt_b9dxi2hViOTCuncPK8bTvM6kFh/s1600/5910BA41-666F-4582-B9AC-669C2483F465.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="370" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZkHU8cVfhWfabFqWztp5tM-t52EExVrZH6qupO3XGlMliCsOKTMyiWvrDZzgaZ6PN_tTEJT8MI2tPWzF_gemWbxODD66meqEnV0B9zMhcK93wt_b9dxi2hViOTCuncPK8bTvM6kFh/s320/5910BA41-666F-4582-B9AC-669C2483F465.jpeg" width="185" /></a></div>
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We’ve been here before. This is not our first rodeo. Remember the <a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.com/2017/07/cheese-twigs.html?m=1">cheese twigs</a>? They were pretty much the only thing my mum would make for my birthday parties from this book. Being a child of particularly refined taste, I used to beg her to make something a bit more sophisticated instead. Such as these beautiful, dainty choux pastry swans (scroll back up for a look).</div>
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Aren’t they pretty? Funnily enough, she always told me to jog on at this point and started huffing about, emptying bags of Safeway Savers cheesy puffs into bowls. Amateur. How hard could it be? Let’s have a bake-along:</div>
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<b>You will need:</b></div>
75g butter<br />
200ml water<br />
125g plain flour<br />
3 large eggs, beaten<br />
250ml double cream<br />
2 tablespoons icing sugar<br />
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You will also need baking paper, a 10mm piping nozzle and something to make a piping bag out of (I used a plastic sandwich bag). See what I mean? Nothing weird about this recipe. Stay tuned though because I added a couple of mystery ingredients later on just to keep things fresh.<br />
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<b>Method:</b><br />
1.<b> </b>Use the butter, water, flour and eggs to make a batch of choux pastry. I can’t be bothered to tell you how to do that. If you’re not on board with this level of apathy, this is not the blog for you. Google a recipe and join me when you’ve done it.<br />
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2. Stuff some of your choux pastry in your piping bag (nozzle already attached). Line a baking tray with baking parchment. Don’t forget to slightly moisten your baking sheets, bitches.<br />
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3. Pipe some ‘2s’ for the necks. They should be about 3” high and apparently you should pull away sharply at the top to make a ‘beak’. I wouldn’t worry about that though because whatever you do, you’re going to end up with a tray full of what look like of anaemic cat turds. Form the rest of the dough into ovals about 3” long. LIKE SO:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxvpIU8pd2qaACW7Opaw0181UT2_Or_BLNs7mbFDcsC3poeFMWojPJR_ySUm9wAyxDgxl6zhADR5a0GkiA9SBlMNXu3VMFvBo_nEDmVmvrHuQrP2ULu45_0ONBAZVNTejeFT7ST1uM/s1600/CC71DED8-0149-4FE0-9157-42DEE46FEFDB.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1240" data-original-width="1600" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxvpIU8pd2qaACW7Opaw0181UT2_Or_BLNs7mbFDcsC3poeFMWojPJR_ySUm9wAyxDgxl6zhADR5a0GkiA9SBlMNXu3VMFvBo_nEDmVmvrHuQrP2ULu45_0ONBAZVNTejeFT7ST1uM/s320/CC71DED8-0149-4FE0-9157-42DEE46FEFDB.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Well, that looks shit. Oh well. They’re sure to look better when they’re baked.<br />
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LOL, nope.</div>
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4. There are various instructions about how long to bake everything for and at what temperature. This should pretty much be disregarded because everything came out flaccid and inedible, but if you enjoy rules, bake in a preheated oven at 220C for 10 minutes, then lower the temperature to 190C and bake the necks for a further 10 minutes and the bodies for 20 more minutes. Remove from the oven, make a slit in the side of each and leave to cool.</div>
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5. Whisk up your cream until stiff and stir in half of the icing sugar. Cut each body in half horizontally and stuff the bottom part with cream. Wedge the neck in the cream then cut the remaining half of the body in half lengthways and stick haphazardly on the body to resemble wings. Sprinkle with the remaining icing sugar (preferably using a sieve, but I remembered too late that I used mine to strain floating slugs out of the paddling pool the other day so I had to do without).</div>
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I managed to make one vaguely recognisable swan out of all of the various body parts, and it was held together with hazardous amounts of cocktail sticks. It also looks a bit like an old tissue that someone has sneezed in and crumpled up, but it does have a few swan-like traits so I’m calling it a win. However, I did feel that it was lacking something. </div>
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Fixed it. Because if a delectable choux pastry swan is desirable at birthday parties, a delectable choux pastry swan that looks like it’s dropped a load of acid is surely preferable. I also fashioned it a little pond out of some blue WKD. For realism. </div>
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Now all that’s left is to eat it. You’ll need some chocolate sauce.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB682lug-_qK2p_MOE1ftD-kga5K_ZMg9WactSypp6suYNZz6voMlGM1D1nVyyYX8E0CwVDpVKIkWejsBcjlj9iWonKWxTH0gB2HzO5IxVvWx67RGqGVWzDdaUZR95yCc2X3-luOnL/s1600/914C3A4B-D72D-4371-BDC2-123349F34856.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1534" data-original-width="1600" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB682lug-_qK2p_MOE1ftD-kga5K_ZMg9WactSypp6suYNZz6voMlGM1D1nVyyYX8E0CwVDpVKIkWejsBcjlj9iWonKWxTH0gB2HzO5IxVvWx67RGqGVWzDdaUZR95yCc2X3-luOnL/s320/914C3A4B-D72D-4371-BDC2-123349F34856.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Job done.</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-5091682906171623242017-12-13T08:44:00.003-08:002017-12-13T08:44:29.352-08:00The Christmas Breakfast ChallengePeople eat some weird shit at Christmas. I'm on board with this. For me it's pretty much obligatory to neck peanuts and sausage rolls whenever I pass the kitchen from 1st December onwards. I draw the line at breakfast though: my breakfast tends to be fruit, a green smoothie or an omelette whatever the time of year, but it turns out that some people have some very special Christmas breakfast traditions. <br />
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With this in mind, I asked Facebook, various Whatsapp chat groups and confused people on the street for their favourite family Christmas Day breakfasts, immediately discounted anything nice or normal (goodbye smoked salmon and scrambled eggs, farewell croissants), leaving me with a variety of indigestible lard and sugar based options. Bravely, IO decided to try one every morning for a week. I got in training (went for a run which I cut short after 4 miles because it was cold), steel plated my stomach and ventured forth:<br />
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<b>DAY 1:</b><br />
<b>Egg beat up in a cup</b><br />
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I started with the least offensive breakfast of the lot so as to warm up slowly. This, according to my friend Tammy, is an Irish/Northern Irish comfort food that comes out when you're ill, under the weather, happy, miserable, or celebrating something. It's also a Christmas breakfast classic over there.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzxkCOwB-vbVTLZuPNk0JFt_TkBSjvx6bPXZKzoZQcjDAwbR5PNkKyollO1roy9Mct_oX58eNN29iOg84eH3KJeXxFe2QG3y7xBGulTXtC1G_NVqCoF6H3-HJyAfofBNATfwGRWGlx/s1600/egg+beat+up+in+a+cup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzxkCOwB-vbVTLZuPNk0JFt_TkBSjvx6bPXZKzoZQcjDAwbR5PNkKyollO1roy9Mct_oX58eNN29iOg84eH3KJeXxFe2QG3y7xBGulTXtC1G_NVqCoF6H3-HJyAfofBNATfwGRWGlx/s400/egg+beat+up+in+a+cup.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<b>Method:</b> Boil an egg or two, remove the shells and beat up in a cup with salt, pepper and enough butter to turn it into an egg mayo consistency (but with butter, not mayonnaise). Eat with toast soldiers.<br />
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<b>Verdict: </b>This was nice, even though I could feel my arteries clogging with every swallow.<br />
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day? </b>Yes<br />
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<b>Rating: </b>8/10<br />
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<b>DAY 2:</b><br />
<b>A box of cheap liqueur chocolates - the sort you can get in Poundland</b><br />
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This was my friend Fogg's contribution. He is, in retrospect, a dick.<br />
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<b>Method: </b>Open chocolates. Eat them.<br />
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<b>Verdict: </b>Of all the things you don't want to face shoving down your throat at 7am, these must come somewhere near the top. Three chocolates in I had heartburn and my throat was involuntarily closing to stop me from swallowing. I forced the rest down, ignoring the burning sensation in my esophagus then dropped my child at school stinking of booze.<br />
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> Shudder.<br />
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<b>Rating:</b> 2/10<br />
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<b>DAY 3:</b><br />
<b>Scotch Woodcock</b><br />
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Some bloke I got talking to at the doctors has had this every Christmas morning for the last 40 years. </div>
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<b>Method:</b> It's basically scrambled egg on toast, but the toast is spread with anchovy paste, known as Gentleman's Relish. I do not want anything called Gentleman's Relish anywhere near my person frankly, but I gave it a go anyway.</div>
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<b>Verdict:</b> Well, that tasted like fishy eggs.</div>
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> In theory, although it's a bit tricky to get past your gag reflex at half past bastard in the morning.</div>
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Rating: <b>4/10 </b></div>
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<b>DAY 4:</b></div>
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<b>Tinned hotdog sausages in a soft finger roll in front of Thomas the Tank Engine</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23LxBS5PJAyFrQRPC2RkmcTyFxNFQWxed35QNtKCwTXDqNaI0P5ZzA3mS6NLM6QJJl1VXSjrUneS7EJ98Beof-gc_byl6oSp3w12t24qPQP0Ls0Zl7288fYxt-lRmAxxSwCY5n0ym/s1600/hotdogs+and+thomas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh23LxBS5PJAyFrQRPC2RkmcTyFxNFQWxed35QNtKCwTXDqNaI0P5ZzA3mS6NLM6QJJl1VXSjrUneS7EJ98Beof-gc_byl6oSp3w12t24qPQP0Ls0Zl7288fYxt-lRmAxxSwCY5n0ym/s400/hotdogs+and+thomas.jpg" width="300" /> </a></div>
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Thanks to Mel for this one. She's @SuspiciousQuiet on Twitter if anyone wants to follow her adventures.</div>
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<b>Method:</b> I wasn't sure how essential Thomas the Tank Engine was to the process but I put it on anyway so as to show willing. I did find it helped to shout "COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS, COME ON" throughout a la the Biggie Smalls version. I added mustard and ketchup to the hotdog because why wouldn't you?</div>
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<b>Verdict:</b> Felt v rebellious eating hotdog at 7.30am. Living the thug life.</div>
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> Why not? Thomas can do one though.</div>
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Rating: <b>6/10</b></div>
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<b>DAY 5:</b></div>
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<b>Trifle. Glass of orange juice "for health".</b></div>
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I can't even remember whose this was but may they burn in Hell.</div>
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<b>Method:</b> Deposit trifle into a bowl, pour orange juice, hold nose and eat.</div>
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<b>Verdict:</b> I think I OD'd on trifle as a child because I can't stomach it now; the spongy stuff in the strawberry jelly makes me squeamish. Trying to force it down at 6.45 in the morning followed by orange juice (which sits beautifully with all the cream in your stomach) was not enjoyable. </div>
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> Maybe if you like trifle? I reckon I could manage this if substituted with tiramisu.</div>
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<b>DAY 6:</b></div>
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<b>Pork pie and a glass of port (With mustard and bread in some households):</b></div>
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My ex housemate Rach was force fed pork pie and port every Christmas morning by her dad, which she says may go some way to explaining why she's vegetarian now. Another friend insists that the pork pie has to be eaten without the port but with mustard and bread. I combined both because nobody intervened and told me not to. I kind of wish they had.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUufb_WEoaJbBbqOyfmjunMGuxhlNQXNJquWDm9mub3Y7-zO9HvTcyCjpJn85_R3wiLa8lAJjYPpydXlDpJfV1xhjx5L3wxDC7yH_IW5oP2TqgDGKtod3eDBIJHkaCLWFzxsVPD7x8/s1600/pork+pie+and+port.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUufb_WEoaJbBbqOyfmjunMGuxhlNQXNJquWDm9mub3Y7-zO9HvTcyCjpJn85_R3wiLa8lAJjYPpydXlDpJfV1xhjx5L3wxDC7yH_IW5oP2TqgDGKtod3eDBIJHkaCLWFzxsVPD7x8/s400/pork+pie+and+port.jpg" width="300" /> </a></div>
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<b>Method:</b> Put pork pie and optional bread on plate. Pour nice glass of port.</div>
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Verdict: I don't know whether it's just because I'd spent most of the week introducing my stomach to some of the worst food in the world at the crack of dawn, but pork pie was a winner. I troughed my way through that big meaty bastard at the speed of light. Not so the port: nearly puked. Made the school run more fun though.</div>
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> Pork pie is a possibility, port is not.</div>
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<b>Verdict: 7.5/10</b></div>
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<b>DAY 7:</b></div>
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<b>Mince pie and brandy butter sandwich</b></div>
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<b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm4JEIUNqqQg7ufm_59v7PgdYuceOae9TzK3QvO7xm_kXuZ7gB6ex2OEgoSOwQ8G4u2phSqVtlegxIRbbTgijrAHJVM27_pMZ3XwHhkfdzE_8r2gqDhb1sJgS0iofUvNPkOMbWwdNU/s1600/MINCE+PIE+SANDWICH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm4JEIUNqqQg7ufm_59v7PgdYuceOae9TzK3QvO7xm_kXuZ7gB6ex2OEgoSOwQ8G4u2phSqVtlegxIRbbTgijrAHJVM27_pMZ3XwHhkfdzE_8r2gqDhb1sJgS0iofUvNPkOMbWwdNU/s400/MINCE+PIE+SANDWICH.jpg" width="300" /></a></b></div>
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YOU ANIMALS.</div>
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<b>Method: </b>Spread thick layer of brandy butter on bread. Squash a mince pie and sandwich it between two slices. Eat.</div>
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Verdict: Mince pies are evidence of the devil's existence in my opinion, but I tried anyway. Oh how I tried. I managed one mouthful before propelling it across the room in some sort of retch/spit hybrid. To the person who told me to try this: may your next turd be a hedgehog.</div>
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<b>Suitable for breakfast every day?</b> Piss off.</div>
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<b>Verdict: 1/10</b></div>
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<b> </b></div>
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I limped to this finish line feeling like the Very Hungry Caterpillar when he'd eaten everything. Maybe a few fresh green leaves for breakfast tomorrow will make me feel better. It can't be worse than this lot anyway.</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-11652389836027357382017-10-02T12:22:00.000-07:002017-10-02T12:24:02.286-07:00Betty Crocker's Kids Parties From Hell<br />
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Well, it's been an exciting weekend here. My cousin recently returned from visiting his parents in Canada with a big box full of vintage 1970s Betty Crocker recipe cards for me to play with. He promised me that they would be worth waiting for, and oh sweet Jesus, was he right. With delights such as Spunky Zucchini Toss and Baked Prune Whip and over 500 cards in the box, I now have a foul retro recipe for every occasion.<br />
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You will be seeing a lot of these horrors over the next few months, but to start you off, I thought I'd share some of the cards from the Children's Party section. If you're ever in the position of having to throw a party for a small child that you loathe, these will be perfect:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="796" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDPeT9bH35MvtWu3wo5aQt2RNB_mrp8UHq0X4vypghi1lPnZdJ8ZUaJv44RprNBXLa4SsO0bp_HXE9g1dkJ_qsh5ERe31SbZxA5vchANk4C5y8wtwri-pgR3855d3bBq-EIUEPd_pf/s640/betty+crocker+hallucinogenic+ladybird.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="529" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What could be more perfect than an LSD themed ladybird cake? Clearly tripping balls - look at the pupils on that.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDPeT9bH35MvtWu3wo5aQt2RNB_mrp8UHq0X4vypghi1lPnZdJ8ZUaJv44RprNBXLa4SsO0bp_HXE9g1dkJ_qsh5ERe31SbZxA5vchANk4C5y8wtwri-pgR3855d3bBq-EIUEPd_pf/s1600/betty+crocker+hallucinogenic+ladybird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhZli_SgOMu2clFABiZ1qk29SYnj-w1VgJin_YYH9vu5dP-ohiaaa4Wc2yR5JCIHPVUJ-SsFaGWU08ovdVmrDzzAdxe81rbUjvqfW4OjXGQ_vGZcclSUSR91w7jrIApsxYmnivhHO/s1600/betty+crocker+creepy+ragdoll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="764" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhZli_SgOMu2clFABiZ1qk29SYnj-w1VgJin_YYH9vu5dP-ohiaaa4Wc2yR5JCIHPVUJ-SsFaGWU08ovdVmrDzzAdxe81rbUjvqfW4OjXGQ_vGZcclSUSR91w7jrIApsxYmnivhHO/s640/betty+crocker+creepy+ragdoll.jpg" width="508" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">NOPE.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAaBlCVAd9j1_APFStVfIGLG8K8XqPNHk1Sdrah-3XkIsep_1yDFr9JvJ89Pfxjg4dF6UkW4a5YFx9WJ5TNes-qtIUHFlnvBLlVWmvZojS2kU455vsLZfrldDshHdaJoh3l3KIfahY/s1600/betty+crocker+backyard+parade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="774" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAaBlCVAd9j1_APFStVfIGLG8K8XqPNHk1Sdrah-3XkIsep_1yDFr9JvJ89Pfxjg4dF6UkW4a5YFx9WJ5TNes-qtIUHFlnvBLlVWmvZojS2kU455vsLZfrldDshHdaJoh3l3KIfahY/s640/betty+crocker+backyard+parade.jpg" width="516" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What is a backyard parade, though? Because I think there might be a euphemism lurking somewhere.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTt-tYM1lwOWK75E3pcnm6DJU_n3FkVdx8d4EqkTDHa3jn6FSGq8q1bp2W1miqfg85iB9yoPUzN8z0WwewC3Cy1NsGrfCj7ITjG2wUwgGVExeSI5GL1KQh38gb9uvVYVBIm59ydRbs/s1600/betty+crocker+satanic+bunny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="738" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTt-tYM1lwOWK75E3pcnm6DJU_n3FkVdx8d4EqkTDHa3jn6FSGq8q1bp2W1miqfg85iB9yoPUzN8z0WwewC3Cy1NsGrfCj7ITjG2wUwgGVExeSI5GL1KQh38gb9uvVYVBIm59ydRbs/s640/betty+crocker+satanic+bunny.jpg" width="492" /> </a></td><td style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That would be what Satan's minion looks like then.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw-59ssTrsGnD1YXKbFluqD8YLBivbaH-zZQZoYf0G0S-dquISh1EA3nqVla6Be8uktIJNok6QbFsQW357pV7X4Zr69irCfEFAFrfIq08wAoof6-0Cn4hVpHdZfnL85rKbVBDtHQWA/s1600/betty+crocker+satanic+ritual.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="740" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw-59ssTrsGnD1YXKbFluqD8YLBivbaH-zZQZoYf0G0S-dquISh1EA3nqVla6Be8uktIJNok6QbFsQW357pV7X4Zr69irCfEFAFrfIq08wAoof6-0Cn4hVpHdZfnL85rKbVBDtHQWA/s640/betty+crocker+satanic+ritual.jpg" width="492" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some sort of woodland demon summoning ritual cake</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6FjmEvqrFON2ocd9pN2jtzZsab20GnLDf736howSNRpxb7VreriB7PLFhjeuQJSvH45r6VUIEEMZ0W5BTXIM5gW2CEnxRY8TbkblF5k_2DZhjBL0UDLJaQOZLIFJbY8fVOOXvT7RZ/s1600/betty+crocker+gay+90s+ice+cream+party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="758" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6FjmEvqrFON2ocd9pN2jtzZsab20GnLDf736howSNRpxb7VreriB7PLFhjeuQJSvH45r6VUIEEMZ0W5BTXIM5gW2CEnxRY8TbkblF5k_2DZhjBL0UDLJaQOZLIFJbY8fVOOXvT7RZ/s640/betty+crocker+gay+90s+ice+cream+party.jpg" width="504" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am 95% sure that I was at this party and it was a) amazing and b) not for children.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4d3TPOt5hqTvS6F9qiImybyK1fiacTmv5DfCOkxtZXLeLn5zCkzIQGsWmDmoTqGkgKSv6o77h83m5vcV7Y82O6Z9lQj8gWODWpXckaPcUWrdN7-kUlbOVB5vwx3XcHGuCiiJy6SwJ/s1600/betty+crocker+fuck+knows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="744" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4d3TPOt5hqTvS6F9qiImybyK1fiacTmv5DfCOkxtZXLeLn5zCkzIQGsWmDmoTqGkgKSv6o77h83m5vcV7Y82O6Z9lQj8gWODWpXckaPcUWrdN7-kUlbOVB5vwx3XcHGuCiiJy6SwJ/s640/betty+crocker+fuck+knows.jpg" width="496" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fuck knows really.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3VBo_vNwnsu78ivi8xp_c27n7cd2PgjxQgasDSfqU7YX_qjttPVEBzpFP82W_Rny3R79XSHQxRi2iaIyc0CAxOMGHJet15zT3iw46ctaKvsR4ij78S-GnEpUVvqBqSVQzwSxYNkv/s1600/betty+crocker+paper+bag+party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="754" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3VBo_vNwnsu78ivi8xp_c27n7cd2PgjxQgasDSfqU7YX_qjttPVEBzpFP82W_Rny3R79XSHQxRi2iaIyc0CAxOMGHJet15zT3iw46ctaKvsR4ij78S-GnEpUVvqBqSVQzwSxYNkv/s640/betty+crocker+paper+bag+party.jpg" width="502" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I just...that's not even a thing. Stop trying to make paper bag parties happen.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh33NCSdUurFYgGMOnOvw7hF3vgY_L5ANfhz25Tnw3LBwNkrjpLE4Jtb7ox92YtyPLxs3gLieGPKmgV30lmjSzIQOaNWk5-wqFqu3Nhc8fZMiKfVhrKOZh-p4kiYmUB6jbVoR4P4RGq/s1600/betty+crocker+scary+clown+cakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="732" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh33NCSdUurFYgGMOnOvw7hF3vgY_L5ANfhz25Tnw3LBwNkrjpLE4Jtb7ox92YtyPLxs3gLieGPKmgV30lmjSzIQOaNWk5-wqFqu3Nhc8fZMiKfVhrKOZh-p4kiYmUB6jbVoR4P4RGq/s640/betty+crocker+scary+clown+cakes.jpg" width="488" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I mean...why? I can't work out which of these barbaric hellions is most likely to haunt my nightmares for the rest of my days. I get the feeling it's going to be him on the left with the cold dead eyes though.</td></tr>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-19679064948213717992017-09-21T05:10:00.001-07:002017-09-21T11:38:53.785-07:00Miche (that's quiche with a meat crust. Yes.)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvYtE-6G9OoSd4lvut8OOIPOKGPY25OkDHy567vKrGVFMNGFBzzVlVf5jRc0dTj5SrfuFc3X52i-63ZvGKnl_BcvIZhOEMuNFsmYdDKiGRHKrUGcqoNNUayCRnVi_b_Kf9DihkWXL/s1600/miche+cover+shot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="653" data-original-width="634" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtvYtE-6G9OoSd4lvut8OOIPOKGPY25OkDHy567vKrGVFMNGFBzzVlVf5jRc0dTj5SrfuFc3X52i-63ZvGKnl_BcvIZhOEMuNFsmYdDKiGRHKrUGcqoNNUayCRnVi_b_Kf9DihkWXL/s640/miche+cover+shot.jpg" width="620" /></a></div>
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Well, I thought it had been a while since we'd dicked around with some mince, so here I am, rectifying that for you. Like all the other recipes on the blog, this is the questionable recipe of someone's mum. She's so traumatized that I can't even mention her name here (possibly she wants to avoid death threats). Our anonymous supplier of this recipe says: "My mum used to make this in the late 70s and early 80s. There was no reason for it to exist then, and there's certainly no reason for it to be resurrected. It is basically quiche, but with a crust made of meat."<br />
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I don't know about you, but I was shuddering already. The words 'meat' and 'crust' shouldn't appear next to each other under any circumstances. However, having thought about it a bit, I've realised that this recipe might work for those of you who are on a paleo diet because it doesn't contain any grains or complex carbohydrates (apart from some pointless breadcrumbs that you could omit). When I say it might help you, I mean that it might help you remember why toast and chips were a good idea in the first place.<br />
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<b>Serves: </b> 4 people<br />
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<b>Preparation time:</b> About an hour<br />
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<b>Ingredients: </b><br />
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A packet of mince. I don't know how much - whatever is in the packet<br />
1 medium onion, chopped<br />
Worcestershire sauce<br />
3 eggs<br />
Some cheese ("some")<br />
Half a carton of cottage cheese<br />
1 tomato<br />
Some breadcrumbs maybe<br />
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<b>Method:</b><br />
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<b>1.</b> Put the mince, half the chopped onion and a few drops of Worcestershire sauce in a bowl and mix with your hands.<br />
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<b>2. </b>Press the mixture into a flan dish, lining it as you would with pastry. Do this in a way that suggests that it's perfectly acceptable behaviour and not a crime against humanity.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaoCI2mcVdxWqEUKJYi93KuzBDwBSiOd_jp1jnbHNiL7z7qkRs6j2s2uCNS-JqON61XoaLT640s8inhsmHzqz7EddMw4Fx19kpheEAVn2X7IVBhn6a4bvrA8GnzaGH_KKdZY4c40zr/s1600/meat+crust+quiche+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaoCI2mcVdxWqEUKJYi93KuzBDwBSiOd_jp1jnbHNiL7z7qkRs6j2s2uCNS-JqON61XoaLT640s8inhsmHzqz7EddMw4Fx19kpheEAVn2X7IVBhn6a4bvrA8GnzaGH_KKdZY4c40zr/s400/meat+crust+quiche+2.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>3.</b> Put this in the oven (which you have preheated to approx 220 degrees by the way. I forgot to tell you) and cook for...a bit. Until it looks like the meat is cooked through and a bit...um...crusty. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This happened. If you're struggling to discern the full horror, the mince shrank away from the sides into a sort of charred disc and became surrounded with watery fat. I reckon you can tip the watery fat in the bin at this point.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<b>4.</b> Now you're going to mix up your filling. Whisk the eggs, the other half of the onion, some cheese and the cottage cheese together. Smile brightly and try not to think of yeast infections.</div>
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<b>5. </b>Now you're going to tip the cottage cheese mixture into the mince crust. This isn't going to work properly because it's come away from the sides of the dish but fuck it. Top with sliced tomato, breadcrumbs and more cheese.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvTQNY956gy6HIU-mkA58QAGes9I0MLrDQE-NnG-NUEL8U4ELXGy438VbGMktHhosrSmGowxYYlJlvjU9T0E8cNyCa-5VDVbWJVVI_SRZwXkh2pT5GnxbjnGtAFSkrm2RXPTou68Vc/s1600/meat+crust+quiche+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="958" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvTQNY956gy6HIU-mkA58QAGes9I0MLrDQE-NnG-NUEL8U4ELXGy438VbGMktHhosrSmGowxYYlJlvjU9T0E8cNyCa-5VDVbWJVVI_SRZwXkh2pT5GnxbjnGtAFSkrm2RXPTou68Vc/s400/meat+crust+quiche+5.jpg" width="398" /> </a></div>
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<b>6.</b> Place back in the oven for 20-30 minutes until the eggs are cooked through and the weird meaty quiche is set.</div>
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<b>7.</b> Cut into slices and serve. Behold the layer of meaty misery. I served it with a bistro salad out of a packet from Aldi, but you may want to add some nice browny green marrowfat peas and floury boiled potatoes a la 70s cuisine.</div>
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So, my taste testers were obviously overjoyed when they returned home to find my grinning like a maniac and shouting "GUESS WHAT'S FOR TEA??" They're now fairly resigned to finding me in the kitchen dishing up brown vomity substances like her off Butterflies.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmgBx8wuBy3lCNT-nz-XcXnMvWeLEhndbY7fitsyI9z6A6RkIgS03dB8z9N6kh_TPm5N88HGHjWU6vSDU8SUSNoUptAuddMHvVH75W4Ca22LrVuwUfc1Vdz8tjNxdaQI02k1jEuvEY/s1600/butterflies+ria+meme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmgBx8wuBy3lCNT-nz-XcXnMvWeLEhndbY7fitsyI9z6A6RkIgS03dB8z9N6kh_TPm5N88HGHjWU6vSDU8SUSNoUptAuddMHvVH75W4Ca22LrVuwUfc1Vdz8tjNxdaQI02k1jEuvEY/s320/butterflies+ria+meme.jpg" width="320" /> </a></div>
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The child didn't even deign to try it. </div>
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The other one?</div>
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"Well, it's fine. It's just fine. It's just...some crusty mince with some sort of...scrambled egg stuff on it isn't it? I mean, nothing surprises me any more. I'm managing to get it down."</div>
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Then I told him about the cottage cheese aspect and he stopped being able to get it down. Nobody is really talking to me any more. <br />
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-20317836547030574502017-09-09T06:05:00.004-07:002017-09-09T06:05:49.730-07:00Classic 70s and 80s desserts taste test: THE RETURNYou know how we enjoyed testing out some classic no-make puddings from childhood recently? Well, I thought it was time to do it again. There were so many classics that I'd neglected so it was really only fair that we gave them a go. Here are this week's contenders:<div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQEzoEyb3VimULxexvDH3HAi79vYre8a4hxPbAFNAYnQh427Qz-8KXdfUWXvMkd1WEiuDYOVL2LVZ-szF_srwxJK9I7-tvVOOy7FT91nPhm2mRcQzJ1EuoGtmRfQTJVf1-8FIeBJal/s1600/classic+70s+and+80s+desserts+taste+test+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQEzoEyb3VimULxexvDH3HAi79vYre8a4hxPbAFNAYnQh427Qz-8KXdfUWXvMkd1WEiuDYOVL2LVZ-szF_srwxJK9I7-tvVOOy7FT91nPhm2mRcQzJ1EuoGtmRfQTJVf1-8FIeBJal/s640/classic+70s+and+80s+desserts+taste+test+2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Clockwise from top left: Tinned peaches and evaporated milk, Vienetta, jelly mousse, and ice cream with Ice Magic sauce</td></tr>
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<b>1. Tinned peaches in evaporated milk.</b> What even is evaporated milk though? Google tells me that it's milk with the water evaporated out of it. But it's still wet so I don't get it. Condensed milk is, incidentally, the same thing but with lots of added sugar. I'm ok with condensed milk - it has a purpose (making caramely things). Evaporated milk's purpose appears to be to be served with tinned peaches (and bread and butter if you believe my friend. What sort of horror childhood she encountered I don't know).</div>
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<b>2. Vienetta.</b> Needs no introduction really. Basically the classiest dessert that the 80s had to offer. You were a) probably rich and b) lucky beyond your wildest dreams if this got served in your household.</div>
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<b>3. Jelly mousse.</b> This is the wildcard because it didn't come pre-made. You had to make it yourself (<i>method: Make up a jelly with only half a pint of water, leave it until it's nearly set then make up a packet of Dream Topping and whisk it into the jelly. Leave in the fridge to set for a couple of hours</i>). Big favourite of mums who wanted to impress at birthday parties. Best with lemon jelly but I went for raspberry because that was all we had in the cupboard. Felt like I should decorate it with fresh raspberries but nobody ever had them in the 80s so I spunked a load of hundreds and thousands all over it as tradition dictates.</div>
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<b>4. Vanilla ice cream with Ice Magic. </b>I had to cheat because Ice Magic no longer exists. I know, I am sad about this too. I had to use an imposter called 'Crackin' made by Askeys.</div>
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My brave volunteers couldn't wait this time (remember, these oddballs actually enjoyed fruit cocktail out of a tin last time and spurned butterscotch Angel Delight, so I should really find myself some new testers TBH).</div>
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<b>1. Tinned peaches in evaporated milk:</b></div>
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<b>Man:</b> "This is another classic from my Nanny's house."</div>
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<b>Boy:</b> "I love tinned peaches, we get them at school."</div>
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<b>Man</b>: "Wait..."</div>
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<b>Boy:</b> "I'm just..."</div>
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<i>*everyone turns green and runs for the bin to spit their mouthful out*</i></div>
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<b>Me:</b> "Do you want some bread with that?"</div>
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<b>Verdict:</b> No.</div>
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<i><b>***there had to be a short break here while everyone fought back their nausea and composed themselves***</b></i></div>
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<b>2. Vienetta</b></div>
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<b>Boy: </b>"I'm going to need the biggest bit of that."</div>
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<b>Man:</b> "Always a classic. Satisfying crack to the chocolate as you bite through it...creamy ice cream..."<br /><b>Boy:</b> "This is delicious."</div>
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<b>Man: </b>"This was the poshest ice cream ever in 1985."</div>
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<b>Me: </b>"Doesn't really taste of much if I'm honest, but I am feeling so fancy right now."</div>
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<b>Verdict: </b>Apparently like crack to children but doesn't actually taste of anything. Needs to be eaten with those little dessert forks for full effect.</div>
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<b>3. Jelly mousse</b></div>
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Boy: "You know I don't like mousse..."<br />Me: "This is special 80s mousse. Try it."<br />Man: "Oh my God, that's sweet;</div>
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Me: "You live on sugar."</div>
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Man: "But this is even too sweet for me."</div>
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Boy: <i>*is stuffing it in his face as if he hasn't already eaten 2 puddings*</i></div>
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<b>Verdict: </b>Very very very sweet. Children still impressed. Tastes like birthday parties to me. Makes you feel like a real mum when you make it.<br /><div>
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<b>4. Vanilla ice cream with (fake) Ice Magic</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoG7OlLCzhutinapsZtfiTeJKGhqZwuocset31VF8zvoj-J2XMrSw50tNjqFGEzABvv_H0OIIieAsfguOVkepizUZahWhglFvzgtYyj35CHynbJwIWrsORMEOUg1k-8TrRRSVrJPtQ/s1600/ice+magic+taste+test.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoG7OlLCzhutinapsZtfiTeJKGhqZwuocset31VF8zvoj-J2XMrSw50tNjqFGEzABvv_H0OIIieAsfguOVkepizUZahWhglFvzgtYyj35CHynbJwIWrsORMEOUg1k-8TrRRSVrJPtQ/s400/ice+magic+taste+test.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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*everyone gathers around to watch the magical setting chocolate sauce*<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> "Is it actually doing anything?"</div>
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<b>Man:</b> "Hmmmm."</div>
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<b>Boy: </b>"It's got a sort of skin on it."</div>
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<b>Me: </b>"It's definitely set a bit."</div>
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<i>*time passes*</i><br /><b>Me:</b> "OK, I think that's it."</div>
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<b>Man:</b> "Didn't ice magic used to set completely hard like a shell?"<br /><b>Me:</b> "I think it did."</div>
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<b>Man:</b> "This is like...rubbery stuff. That tastes of lard."<br /><b>Me </b>(<i>checking label</i>): "That's the main ingredient."</div>
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<b>Boy:</b> "I'll eat it."</div>
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<b>Verdict: </b>Do not buy the crappy, knock-off Ice Magic. It doesn't set - probably because use of liquid nitrogen in food got banned in the 90s or something. It also tastes like slightly chocolatey fat. The child still ate it though.</div>
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<b>Got any other retro delights you'd like us to test? Let me know and I'll make it happen.</b></div>
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-40516468698304399882017-08-24T13:28:00.001-07:002017-08-24T13:54:27.186-07:00Cornflake Tart - a school dinner special<br />
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Apologies for the short break - summer holidays and everything. But I'm back and I'm easing us in gently with a nostalgic yet not too horrid recipe that should be familiar to everyone who suffered through school dinners in the 70s and 80s. This could be a lot worse, so be thankful that we're only recreating CORNFLAKE TART. Cue the recipe:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDdjVOtwsmXgfib38fvkPiJHK4mkdFdthiTc409XuvgxGFylKXY5aEpwqsl6LnBFdlh6_ZQ7XL4vF81ttpx3ZeK87u2vRjB8G_M6-T-5IM6Bylz6z12taRJ57rb9PIexo1s4vqbUYT/s1600/cornflake+tart+5+recipe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="786" height="582" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDdjVOtwsmXgfib38fvkPiJHK4mkdFdthiTc409XuvgxGFylKXY5aEpwqsl6LnBFdlh6_ZQ7XL4vF81ttpx3ZeK87u2vRjB8G_M6-T-5IM6Bylz6z12taRJ57rb9PIexo1s4vqbUYT/s640/cornflake+tart+5+recipe.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>Serves: </b>The five thousand. It's so sweet that you'll barely get through two spoonfuls.</div>
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<b>Preparation time:</b> About half an hour.</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
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250g plain flour</div>
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125g butter</div>
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(or just cheat and use Jusroll pastry)</div>
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120g sugar</div>
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120g butter</div>
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120g golden syrup</div>
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200g crushed Cornflakes</div>
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Jam (optional)</div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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<b>1.</b> Make pastry from the butter and flour and a little bit of water if needed. I am not going to explain how to make pastry to you. If you don't know how just buy a packet of Jusroll. This blog contains such delights as a <a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/crispy-cowboy-bake.html">casserole topped with Marmite sandwiches</a> and s<a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/pacific-pie.html">omething made entirely from a tin of tuna and a can of soup</a>: nobody is judging your shit cooking here.</div>
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<b>2.</b> Line a flan dish with the pastry and prick it a few times. Put it in the oven for about 15 minutes.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaGOVB03eX5EruiZwiJegq9WbIGpxCob36lxeGEBT2VS8-h063s4uOMXLF_PIQievZFEI8dVxMbyUnOAqS8hRJLli3-JxmTIC_YBxpcxEW_CBjfTJCALPECC3xlPr-EkGLwHQ4E9Jm/s1600/cornflake+tart+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="547" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaGOVB03eX5EruiZwiJegq9WbIGpxCob36lxeGEBT2VS8-h063s4uOMXLF_PIQievZFEI8dVxMbyUnOAqS8hRJLli3-JxmTIC_YBxpcxEW_CBjfTJCALPECC3xlPr-EkGLwHQ4E9Jm/s400/cornflake+tart+1.jpg" width="368" /></a></div>
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<b>3. </b>Meanwhile, crack on with the Cornflake nonsense. You're going to melt the butter, golden syrup and sugar together until you've got the sweetest, stickiest substance known to man.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizfE0GEwXB0yW3dznGokTYkWpnVWj2kb0KT5-kERpumphdzBVy5Mw2amVbDdjQABjXZtpUjVxe41Yk_NLtvMMON9_OEvxth8aDBrEiNR1onD00fzBafKvmdib8JXIfYiYYpzT-d_kb/s1600/cornflake+tart+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="669" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizfE0GEwXB0yW3dznGokTYkWpnVWj2kb0KT5-kERpumphdzBVy5Mw2amVbDdjQABjXZtpUjVxe41Yk_NLtvMMON9_OEvxth8aDBrEiNR1onD00fzBafKvmdib8JXIfYiYYpzT-d_kb/s400/cornflake+tart+2.jpg" width="396" /></a></div>
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<b>4.</b> Whack the crushed Cornflakes into it and mix until they're covered in what is basically liquid diabetes.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhthRHOc8G7g3P3xUd14LKWhtwHipIE47LML6EFRWRcRt49tgcxMXm2r8jEoJy6TZr4IwB7C7Gf73rQ9Noi4JiJcObEth4nj67GqXPXy7PbMnWqeMLRuo_9NjbGdKuCH13Kp9OmSsiE/s1600/cornflake+tart+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="702" height="381" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhthRHOc8G7g3P3xUd14LKWhtwHipIE47LML6EFRWRcRt49tgcxMXm2r8jEoJy6TZr4IwB7C7Gf73rQ9Noi4JiJcObEth4nj67GqXPXy7PbMnWqeMLRuo_9NjbGdKuCH13Kp9OmSsiE/s400/cornflake+tart+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>5a. (optional step) </b>For authenticity, you might want to spread a layer of jam onto the pastry now. Controversially, I chose not to do this (because jam is the devil's jizz) but go right ahead by all means.</div>
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<b>5b.</b> Squish the Cornflake mixture into the baked tart case and return it to the oven for 10 minutes.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-GlH85E3n8iM_9ktWoe8aXBfzaxjY2HlOmovlWWgi3X2zkIvTQ8CBAuiEgRQgLLJUbtAV6BxxcB0fNzjky92ZY4ZvE-xRRwQ5b69RqicKjCwNnyzAFdcmhi8m6dbRdyx8lIihoAs5/s1600/cornflake+tart+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="687" data-original-width="663" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-GlH85E3n8iM_9ktWoe8aXBfzaxjY2HlOmovlWWgi3X2zkIvTQ8CBAuiEgRQgLLJUbtAV6BxxcB0fNzjky92ZY4ZvE-xRRwQ5b69RqicKjCwNnyzAFdcmhi8m6dbRdyx8lIihoAs5/s400/cornflake+tart+4.jpg" width="385" /></a></div>
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<b>6.</b> Remove from oven, slice and serve with cream, ice cream or custard. This is best dished out by someone in a nylon dinner lady overall in a sweaty room that smells of boiled cabbage and feet.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClb_wACoty6UBW9W0si2fSKKazHQyLY3zCHjnpZSz_DW0x1ob-vLD_LomkJtEtkDUQm2nW9LYpTuJq08RBIO3asUG3VNCQav6j8lPG-1n6LQ3dc3BP7wExSfyC5vc_p4_BjtaCpFz/s1600/cornflake+tart+5+recipe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="786" height="363" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgClb_wACoty6UBW9W0si2fSKKazHQyLY3zCHjnpZSz_DW0x1ob-vLD_LomkJtEtkDUQm2nW9LYpTuJq08RBIO3asUG3VNCQav6j8lPG-1n6LQ3dc3BP7wExSfyC5vc_p4_BjtaCpFz/s400/cornflake+tart+5+recipe.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Guys...I couldn't eat this. That's right, I've boldly ploughed my way through such delights as <a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/pacific-pie.html">Pacific Pie</a> and <a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/cheesy-bread-pudding.html">Cheese bread and butter pudding</a>, but I managed 2 mouthfuls of this and had to stop. Just too damn sweet, and I say that as someone who can quite happily devour a Mars Bar for breakfast. I kind of feel like I've failed you all. But don't worry; tomorrow I'm doing a second <a href="http://thatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/classic-70s-and-80s-desserts-taste-test.html">classic puddings of the 70s and 80s taste test</a> and it's going to feature tinned peaches in evaporated milk, so I'm doing my penance...</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-20796420226175000732017-08-07T10:10:00.001-07:002017-08-07T10:11:52.422-07:00Cheesy Bread Pudding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjHr9mwez-vm0UtuyvQ2Qjqdt7ryQ_93qy5axn6b7FyKaghLhLcjIyNSLvWmk6FwWcHCAdlcZswA5lFGuUeEMu2lvnTsPc-WqYfuxMRmCChvteXqSNSkmAwXmA6kh1ADReSQ4IMlkh/s1600/cheesy+bread+pudding+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjHr9mwez-vm0UtuyvQ2Qjqdt7ryQ_93qy5axn6b7FyKaghLhLcjIyNSLvWmk6FwWcHCAdlcZswA5lFGuUeEMu2lvnTsPc-WqYfuxMRmCChvteXqSNSkmAwXmA6kh1ADReSQ4IMlkh/s640/cheesy+bread+pudding+cover.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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So students, today in 70s Mum Cuisine School we're going to do something really disrespectful to a bread and butter pudding recipe. We're basically going to chuck a bitchload of cheese into it and hope for the best. Does this sound like fun? Yes. Does it sound edible? Not terribly. Lets go:<br />
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<b>Serves:</b> 4 people who await their fate with a miserable air of resignation<br />
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<b>Preparation time:</b> 15 minutes + 30 minutes in the oven<br />
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<b>Ingredients: </b><br />
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<b>6 slices of bread and butter</b> (or 7 if, like me, you suddenly remember how nice bread and butter tastes mid recipe and eat some)<br />
<b>1 chopped spring onion</b> (bog standard onion also fine)<br />
<b>A lot of cheese</b>. Lets not discuss how much I used.<br />
<b>A few slices of ham</b>. The more processed the better for that authentic 1980s feel.<br />
<b>200ml milk</b><br />
<b>2 eggs</b><br />
<b>salt and pepper</b><br />
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<b>Method:</b><br />
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<b>1. </b>Preheat the oven to around 220 degrees.<br />
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<b>2.</b> Cover the bottom of a casserole dish with a layer of bread and butter.<br />
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<b>3.</b> Sprinkle on cheese and spring onions, season, then add another layer of bread.<br />
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<b>4. </b>Sprinkle on more cheese, onions and some ham.<br />
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<b>5. </b>Keep adding layers of bread and sprinkling ingredients between the layers until you run out of bread.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdSKPYjFMrkg-cfbQvCBU-Esu6aZiNO-d1atAOd7_F0bjG5ZgrPfUy9u2BdH-NZ-9NOuPqan4St4ot0tRZnAUh56_Pd9CsX8xyjYLogxBBoVL4bnpBXBxJ1vcA5hyphenhyphenwjdZg2cAWAxMC/s1600/cheesy+bread+pudding+collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdSKPYjFMrkg-cfbQvCBU-Esu6aZiNO-d1atAOd7_F0bjG5ZgrPfUy9u2BdH-NZ-9NOuPqan4St4ot0tRZnAUh56_Pd9CsX8xyjYLogxBBoVL4bnpBXBxJ1vcA5hyphenhyphenwjdZg2cAWAxMC/s640/cheesy+bread+pudding+collage.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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6. Whisk the egg and milk together and pour over the content of the casserole dish. Squash everything down with a potato masher and allow the mixture to sink in a bit. Now add grated cheese to the top.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix68VdKuNzkj9gvUa4YrwEc0YYZ3AIp3o1HaX-g7hGHooGue31xUjMP4WiCeF0IZg9TIAAW-_UotKWjHheOQMH0OH3snHl6LjZVSd1HlapY3DCoBz65OdEWIWaLzbJ29CGd7hXb7BW/s1600/cheesy+bread+pudding+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix68VdKuNzkj9gvUa4YrwEc0YYZ3AIp3o1HaX-g7hGHooGue31xUjMP4WiCeF0IZg9TIAAW-_UotKWjHheOQMH0OH3snHl6LjZVSd1HlapY3DCoBz65OdEWIWaLzbJ29CGd7hXb7BW/s400/cheesy+bread+pudding+5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>7.</b> Put the dish into the oven before you van overthink what you've just done and leave it to cook for about 30 minutes.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpMyGJViiPY-BPorvlfB3oDZsuAIwNiIgeNMqNKyEzNCPeGpozqxgyZg-hK1-b2EXIUJKXgOE75NQqY3DcZRqLsA5scKdH8yWfLJfpPqckoyxERmFQEAe6U15oPYMpXfRCHUq1Pth6/s1600/cheesey+bread+pudding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpMyGJViiPY-BPorvlfB3oDZsuAIwNiIgeNMqNKyEzNCPeGpozqxgyZg-hK1-b2EXIUJKXgOE75NQqY3DcZRqLsA5scKdH8yWfLJfpPqckoyxERmFQEAe6U15oPYMpXfRCHUq1Pth6/s400/cheesey+bread+pudding.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How nice does this look? </td></tr>
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<b>8.</b> Cut into slices, to be served with Branston pickle and peas. We only had broccoli and two thirds of the testers refuse to eat pickle (weirdos), so I apologize for the inauthentic serving suggestion below:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJuxGPwVMfkCu5rFcJ2rJuqM6jK6lq5kUskG3TOoD2kiw6luXl_reY5j-jyfxmF8DoyUe6zl7z54n7pzZXwSiUuqQC2HotJlPAnuz6QlAxA1c16j0K_-LyUa6Q_kkzOm2X95DfPI5/s1600/cheesy+bread+pudding+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxJuxGPwVMfkCu5rFcJ2rJuqM6jK6lq5kUskG3TOoD2kiw6luXl_reY5j-jyfxmF8DoyUe6zl7z54n7pzZXwSiUuqQC2HotJlPAnuz6QlAxA1c16j0K_-LyUa6Q_kkzOm2X95DfPI5/s640/cheesy+bread+pudding+7.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>Verdict:</b> I thought the flavour was good, but the soggy eggy bready stuff in the middle did require me to do the gastronomic equivalent of lying back and thinking of England to swallow it. It was much improved with Branston, so that is definitely a good call. <b>Tester 1 </b>ate the crispy bit and left the rest. <b>Tester 2</b> wouldn't even entertain putting any in his mouth. He is obviously not experienced in the thinking of England technique.</div>
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Who's brave enough to try this one? </div>
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-52945374365728207702017-07-30T12:55:00.002-07:002017-07-30T12:55:59.872-07:00Classic 70s and 80s Desserts Taste Test<br />
I gave myself a break from knocking up 1970s culinary horrors this week, but as I'm still dedicated to the cause I have a special treat for you: I conducted a 2017 taste test of three classic 1970s and 1980s puddings. These are weekday puddings - the sort that required no skill to assemble and no cooking whatsoever. This was what was trotted out after your cod in parsley sauce (speaking of which, watch this space...) or your Findus Crispy Pancakes on a school night. They were acceptable in the 80s...but are they now? Lets meet the contenders:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsE5Kse-qFH8_I-xgSM_GoccLuQDVYpr1rq1FVakCfGVo41gsfEF3YpaaksGl2cZRcfrw2vwgfp9-hYx92EvRWSvA6l02b1RY0zqbH1osPLDIteo3za3r3xcu9W-UAaNf6gNTHLpSB/s1600/1970s+puddings+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsE5Kse-qFH8_I-xgSM_GoccLuQDVYpr1rq1FVakCfGVo41gsfEF3YpaaksGl2cZRcfrw2vwgfp9-hYx92EvRWSvA6l02b1RY0zqbH1osPLDIteo3za3r3xcu9W-UAaNf6gNTHLpSB/s640/1970s+puddings+1.jpg" width="640" /> </a></div>
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For your delectation we have (clockwise from left): </div>
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1. <b>Tinned fruit cocktail in syrup </b>- guys, I actually thought this was what fruit salad was until I was about 11. It consisted of small lumps of mainly unidentifiable fruits, some of which was definitely tinned peaches (heave). The best bit was the neon red cherries, but even they were crap. Usually served with vanilla ice cream cut from a slab and whacked in the bowl like a lurid yellow brick.</div>
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2. <b>Arctic Roll</b> - a sickly confection of vanilla ice cream, sponge and some sort of jam. This was a regular for dessert at my grandparents guesthouse in Eastbourne (powdery asparagus soup from a packet to start, rock hard gammon with peas, lumpy mash and a pineapple ring for mains).</div>
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3. <b>Angel Delight - </b>butterscotch flavour <i>obviously</i>. The chocolate flavour held so much promise but didn't deliver. Banana and strawberry were acceptable. Empty the packet into half a pint of milk, whisk it up and bit and you've got the food of the gods right there. Sprinkle with grated cooking chocolate if feeling posh.</div>
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I offered these for testing to three brave volunteers: a 41 year old male, a 39 year old woman and an 8 year old boy. (Guess which one was me). Findings and comments below:</div>
<b><br />1. Fruit cocktail and vanilla ice cream</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaLylZeL16_ucZw9pL2PU5GwbiVSGa2_KjmQpn8vpc4P67EUVt4CbuDn-QbBbLOCs83zDBKNF21l8LIEmE6ROqMQyJXQZThs-KuasSvion6oEToXu0iDuG-XWyZ71WygETyPC7qZ27/s1600/fruit+cocktail+and+icecream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaLylZeL16_ucZw9pL2PU5GwbiVSGa2_KjmQpn8vpc4P67EUVt4CbuDn-QbBbLOCs83zDBKNF21l8LIEmE6ROqMQyJXQZThs-KuasSvion6oEToXu0iDuG-XWyZ71WygETyPC7qZ27/s400/fruit+cocktail+and+icecream.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>Boy: </b>"Well this looks <i>lovely</i>."</div>
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<b>Male:</b> "Reminds me of tea at my Nanny's house when I was little."</div>
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<b>Female: </b>"Can you identify any of the fruit?"</div>
<b>Male: </b>"Well, there's...er...grapes. Um...melon? Oh, a cherry, um, some white stuff and some orange stuff. Satsuma or something?" <b>(<i>Note: actual fruits are: peaches, cherries, grapes, pineapple and pear, not that any of them even slightly resemble what those should taste like</i>).</b><br />
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<b>Boy:</b> "This is SO NICE. I'm giving it a 10."</div>
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<b>Male: </b>"7 from me. Can we finish it off?"</div>
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<b>Female:</b> "DO NEITHER OF YOU HAVE TASTE BUDS?"</div>
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<b>2. Arctic Roll</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqDhki1b0eU7nr_eysDhBfuFXcoXoZRIVISvIOURr_ccwpzZN3hdPTWzhWk1g3GLmJ9xdfyQnDkXJ_iZbZpLjwUxmAsXFMj0b8oLjrsiypZpOMCaWBBpSPsKZjjHZc3w_uh5dL8Rs/s1600/arctic+roll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqDhki1b0eU7nr_eysDhBfuFXcoXoZRIVISvIOURr_ccwpzZN3hdPTWzhWk1g3GLmJ9xdfyQnDkXJ_iZbZpLjwUxmAsXFMj0b8oLjrsiypZpOMCaWBBpSPsKZjjHZc3w_uh5dL8Rs/s400/arctic+roll.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>Boy:</b> "Oh yum, we have this for school dinners."</div>
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<b>Male:</b> "We used to have this at Nanny's house too."</div>
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<b>Female:</b> "It's pretty flavourless apart from the slight hint of jam that just tips it over the edge into rank territory."</div>
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<b>Male:</b> "It's got less texture and flavour than the fruit cocktail."</div>
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<b>Boy:</b> "This is the good stuff. It gets a 9."</div>
<b>Male:</b> "6".<br />
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<b>Female: </b>"WTF? 3."</div>
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<b>3. Butterscotch Angel Delight</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxg06E_xUDRn3AJLjUnwOGkx3c0IGs4PMch9LbCugMYIKp4aCOT1jQrPKWvRkoIBMWki63gSggC3oeNQvmEJKg_wdZhJ8ZbSwGcFJdoxwz4LD5lIwf9orY8tL410nOSlCiraFT6cy/s1600/butterscotch+angel+delight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxg06E_xUDRn3AJLjUnwOGkx3c0IGs4PMch9LbCugMYIKp4aCOT1jQrPKWvRkoIBMWki63gSggC3oeNQvmEJKg_wdZhJ8ZbSwGcFJdoxwz4LD5lIwf9orY8tL410nOSlCiraFT6cy/s400/butterscotch+angel+delight.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>Male:</b> "Pretty sure I saw something in the cat's litter tray that looked like this last week." </div>
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<b>Child:</b> "What even is it? It's like a squashed emoji poo."</div>
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<b>Female: </b>"It's a bit like mousse. Try it." </div>
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<i><b>*tentative tasting*</b></i></div>
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<b>Child: </b>"NO."</div>
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<b>Male:</b> "WRONG."</div>
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<b>Female:</b> "WHAT? This is the best 80s pudding ever. It tastes ever so slightly of bicarb and soap but mainly of happiness."</div>
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<b>Male:</b> "It's got a horrible texture and tastes of..."</div>
<b>Child:</b> "Bums."<br />
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<b>Male:</b> "0"</div>
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<b>Child: </b>"0"</div>
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<b>Female:</b> "Can't hear you. Very busy eating."</div>
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Seriously internet, what is wrong with them? So...do you agree with our results? And have you got any more questionable convenience desserts from childhood that you'd like me to test? (tinned peaches and evaporated milk coming next time so I need two more to add to the list).</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-4504156669017333322017-07-17T13:37:00.001-07:002017-07-17T13:37:06.869-07:00Cheeseburger Pie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNG63u5wVrN4Wlbajx4C4Ulxy2rcbX1NmNRqFRRMjp-NAXWMTHNK9mxuQss3ZtUEvUfjFRnue8cL3YzuKGMvBOJ5YZYzNVR4FbxsTBRakjnLXp4SeQcHcMf00kjM2HnwdW_TDicK7X/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNG63u5wVrN4Wlbajx4C4Ulxy2rcbX1NmNRqFRRMjp-NAXWMTHNK9mxuQss3ZtUEvUfjFRnue8cL3YzuKGMvBOJ5YZYzNVR4FbxsTBRakjnLXp4SeQcHcMf00kjM2HnwdW_TDicK7X/s640/cheeseburger+pie+header.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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I thought it was about time we had a bit more brown on the blog, so I bought some mince and asked everyone for their best (worst) 70s and 80s mince based recipes. This one was the clear winner for sheer WTFery and its bold use of lurid processed cheese.</div>
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"My mum and dad ate this when staying with friends in the States at some point in the 70s and decided to introduce it to the Midlands," says my friend Nick with a shudder. They should have left it where they found it, and to be honest I wouldn't even feel safe with those 4,000 miles between me and it."</div>
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Now there's a recommendation. Lets do this.<br /><br /><b>Serves:</b> 4 people</div>
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<b>Preparation time:</b> 40 minutes</div>
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<b>Ingredients: </b></div>
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<b>250g mince</b></div>
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<b>Half an onion, chopped</b></div>
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<b>Worcestershire sauce</b></div>
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<b>2 tomatoes</b></div>
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<b>packet of processed cheese slices</b> (DING DING DING. Classic horrible 70s ingredient alert)</div>
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<b>60g plain flour</b></div>
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<b>1 egg</b></div>
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<b>220ml milk</b></div>
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<b>pinch of salt</b></div>
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<b>teaspoon baking powder</b></div>
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<b>teaspoon sugar</b></div>
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<b>gherkins, tomato ketchup and American style mustard </b>(to serve)</div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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<b>1. </b>Preheat the oven to 220 degrees. Fry the chopped onion in a little oil until translucent, then add the mince and cook until brown. Season with Worcestershire sauce.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilDmjfN4K-QPTSC5sxAw471SLPIhkakxXek7aYqHDsnM7y3FZiUPQwoqZeOM0_ELh171BqCvk2c3dJVengmnK3UUwfpJt6BtObQ6ubGlOAc0GRoMAOgV-FnM7a00K71Smlr6CkstvP/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilDmjfN4K-QPTSC5sxAw471SLPIhkakxXek7aYqHDsnM7y3FZiUPQwoqZeOM0_ELh171BqCvk2c3dJVengmnK3UUwfpJt6BtObQ6ubGlOAc0GRoMAOgV-FnM7a00K71Smlr6CkstvP/s400/cheeseburger+pie+5.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So far, so good. Nothing to see here.</td></tr>
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<b>2.</b> Meanwhile, whisk up a batter using the flour, baking powder, milk, egg and sugar.<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMRdoIAKMIr1VB5qh2u66Wlb1kbDCXsyMqgQiStBiBUlMzIhGA7Rbn17nTXuyrIkymIhc7_55NDJm4nVpxZriy5rxq_nJNWhrLcVv5gs-ztfFP50n8oTa6O3EdbtnqwpRU5Wx18rJ7/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMRdoIAKMIr1VB5qh2u66Wlb1kbDCXsyMqgQiStBiBUlMzIhGA7Rbn17nTXuyrIkymIhc7_55NDJm4nVpxZriy5rxq_nJNWhrLcVv5gs-ztfFP50n8oTa6O3EdbtnqwpRU5Wx18rJ7/s400/cheeseburger+pie+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This looks pretty innocuous too.</td></tr>
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<b>3.</b> Put the mince and onion mixture into a shallow dish. I mean, this is fine at the moment. Nothing bad has happened and we're all pretty relaxed. Top with the sliced tomatoes.<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0qNysU0K7wyQhhQM0OVBshp6z2W-wVg3xCF8pkBQZo07i47VAIuQpy21WJicGLd7QF3WAdLnviB8cVoaZljLTHIaaH1U1SQnBu0zbXQTqQBsw930-Hu9GaGN_TA1N8bh_1ZVw5y34/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0qNysU0K7wyQhhQM0OVBshp6z2W-wVg3xCF8pkBQZo07i47VAIuQpy21WJicGLd7QF3WAdLnviB8cVoaZljLTHIaaH1U1SQnBu0zbXQTqQBsw930-Hu9GaGN_TA1N8bh_1ZVw5y34/s400/cheeseburger+pie+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yep, can get on board with this.</td></tr>
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<b>4.</b> You know that batter you made? You're going to use it to bastardize the mince and tomatoes. Pour it over the lot whilst questioning your life choices.<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-L7cvtd-EcQJITYw7mPd-axGZOkEBIhhjYU41afR7FfXH6TLdEKdrsUQEYpV7wfNTrYWh1sbG_IREVd8M2LxKFmiiOMh65NvZxJHi-x2ce6kFNbzMyWkTxczuOw2lHcrmZq4H8YuY/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-L7cvtd-EcQJITYw7mPd-axGZOkEBIhhjYU41afR7FfXH6TLdEKdrsUQEYpV7wfNTrYWh1sbG_IREVd8M2LxKFmiiOMh65NvZxJHi-x2ce6kFNbzMyWkTxczuOw2lHcrmZq4H8YuY/s400/cheeseburger+pie+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jesus, WHY?</td></tr>
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5. Add insult to injury by plastering the lot with plastic cheese slices.<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjq9ueJgk8M5mmh-NdU8SwpL5M-USBS8qIJlqnbjPsEJOwHZKiud0274zNR6yoYcDQV5qmQAUnPUwF-DxFjSz2dQ5hsh9IxhAMn5fOA3i19T4dzlSH5fwDD65qXvo1dW8hlcVXJoem/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjq9ueJgk8M5mmh-NdU8SwpL5M-USBS8qIJlqnbjPsEJOwHZKiud0274zNR6yoYcDQV5qmQAUnPUwF-DxFjSz2dQ5hsh9IxhAMn5fOA3i19T4dzlSH5fwDD65qXvo1dW8hlcVXJoem/s400/cheeseburger+pie+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shiny. </td></tr>
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<b>6.</b> Put it in the oven for 30 minutes whilst perusing your collection of takeaway menus. You're probably going to need those.<div>
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<b>7.</b> In theory, when it comes out of the oven, the batter is supposed to have formed a sort of crust on the bottom. Or the top. Nobody's exactly sure where the crust is supposed to be, but there should be one somewhere. In my case, there were ugly crusty bits all over the shop and flecks of sludgy batter throughout the entire dish.</div>
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<b>8.</b> Slice and garnish with sliced gherkins, tomato ketchup and American style mustard. I chose to present mine with a side salad of iceberg lettuce and a little radish rose, because it is 1983 and carving salad into pleasing shapes is how I spend my time now.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYekjfUSXDfSIt9OTWOkDPV4hhEFJ7J1JZrNKbVTdbAZecnuNZEXc7SI1MqPCnDM_WxxM5BThoAJuH8J3a03nkgteOtizwbAaFUI6xQLswimTKtmA5be7ocMDwTxfxfL0DnbgqSlQ-/s1600/cheeseburger+pie+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYekjfUSXDfSIt9OTWOkDPV4hhEFJ7J1JZrNKbVTdbAZecnuNZEXc7SI1MqPCnDM_WxxM5BThoAJuH8J3a03nkgteOtizwbAaFUI6xQLswimTKtmA5be7ocMDwTxfxfL0DnbgqSlQ-/s640/cheeseburger+pie+6.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love it when my food looks radioactive.</td></tr>
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I thought it tasted OK, but lets be honest; I lost sight of what tastes acceptable about 3 recipes ago plus I'm on the sort of diet that makes you so hungry that you'd consider eating your own young. My fellow taste tester said it was "quite nice" (whilst backing away looking scared). Over to you lot.</div>
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-22833049412571983122017-07-14T04:48:00.000-07:002017-07-14T04:48:04.875-07:00Gingernut Log<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuSVoKesTXHjntvqf72_fn-Jd0-SkcMDW0lmTB0UHq9vaWoJQd-6ZVanJsCpRm5RtxwmOlcR4afHUHqhjmcYKol9P6x84aYVS8V7j_YDCqrnkdy36TXwe1JTgpISFHkzcMNnxeqJL0/s1600/gingernut+log+header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuSVoKesTXHjntvqf72_fn-Jd0-SkcMDW0lmTB0UHq9vaWoJQd-6ZVanJsCpRm5RtxwmOlcR4afHUHqhjmcYKol9P6x84aYVS8V7j_YDCqrnkdy36TXwe1JTgpISFHkzcMNnxeqJL0/s640/gingernut+log+header.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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We're going for a pudding today. Sorry, a <i>dessert</i>. This one was your mum's go-to recipe for special occasions (such as, say, you're hosting a safari supper for the WI, or Auntie Pat's coming for lunch and <i>she</i> always does chicken a la king and rice with peas in it so you've got standards to live up to).</div>
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As vintage recipes dictate, it looks pretty disgusting and is made of a strange array of things that you can find at the local corner shop. This one tastes of nostalgia, cheap booze and general delight - like Christmas in 1982. Hurrah!</div>
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<b>Serves:</b> Up to 8 people</div>
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<b>Preparation time: </b>15 minutes to assemble, at least 1 hour to chill.</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
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<b>1 packet of Gingernut biscuits </b>(give or take a few, because you will obviously have eaten some already as they are the best biscuits ever).</div>
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<b>300ml double cream</b></div>
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<b>Some sherry</b> (About a wine glass full. Apparently there are different types of sherry. This is news to me. I went with a cream sherry because it was only £4.99 in Aldi and this is clearly how I choose my alcohol)</div>
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<b>Flaked almonds</b> (to decorate)</div>
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<i><b>Note:</b> Some versions of this recipe suggest that you use half sherry and half orange juice. However, I am all for cramming as much alcohol into pudding as possible, so I didn't do that. </i></div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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1. Assemble your ingredients and a plate in front of you. Pour the sherry into a dish. You want everything in easy reaching distance.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbY026rgy2Y6ke1s69F9pLjnOOjQy-ByooIo6h9x_q5RZD0qBS6B1cibMnFRj_CIW87-wsv-swRtJapGmI7smCvLI2SV7Xr9qdX69NKO_s5XzzUUU5GX6HQPqGhk6j64UdOQZQe4h-/s1600/gingernut+log+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbY026rgy2Y6ke1s69F9pLjnOOjQy-ByooIo6h9x_q5RZD0qBS6B1cibMnFRj_CIW87-wsv-swRtJapGmI7smCvLI2SV7Xr9qdX69NKO_s5XzzUUU5GX6HQPqGhk6j64UdOQZQe4h-/s400/gingernut+log+5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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3. Dunk a gingernut into the sherry, slap a bit of cream on it, then do the same to another one and stick them together. Use a bit of cream to stick them to the plate to keep them upright. Refer to the picture below for a demonstration, ignoring the fucking CAT who is <i>not </i>allowed on the worktop.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFRedEPHPtnIr2Mk24PlKgejpBERwr6iizSlBQV006wfbr5XwtIpyzaz7Infwi1nEDAVa-bcqbdv98Y2L-P49p8iJbR0_7NP7ZrgHWECHLlweZ-SU-b1RAxoWsIppN_3v4dIhPyKi/s1600/gingernut+log+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="774" data-original-width="960" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFRedEPHPtnIr2Mk24PlKgejpBERwr6iizSlBQV006wfbr5XwtIpyzaz7Infwi1nEDAVa-bcqbdv98Y2L-P49p8iJbR0_7NP7ZrgHWECHLlweZ-SU-b1RAxoWsIppN_3v4dIhPyKi/s400/gingernut+log+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Had to remove her from the table approx 20 times during this recipe, washing my hands after picking her up every time. She stank of sherry for the rest of the day.</td></tr>
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<br />4. Continue until all of the gingernuts are on the plate, stuck together with cream.<div>
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5. Now smother your creation with cream, smoothing it over with a knife.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3S1q9e0Q0I6yZ1VYTu22S6wgB2RiLqOg4BXifez5Zv6vWfLJ5IqIRs6sPkbitjXs1T2qNEXTZ-j9roA4T3A2KNCHNIEB3T-rOfxtlTX-8KVtJV6ICDrR7L12JKyEXcdfUXHmh91f/s1600/gingernut+log+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3S1q9e0Q0I6yZ1VYTu22S6wgB2RiLqOg4BXifez5Zv6vWfLJ5IqIRs6sPkbitjXs1T2qNEXTZ-j9roA4T3A2KNCHNIEB3T-rOfxtlTX-8KVtJV6ICDrR7L12JKyEXcdfUXHmh91f/s400/gingernut+log+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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6. Sprinkle the 'log' (can we all agree not to use the word 'log' in a recipe again?) with flaked almonds and put in the fridge to chill for at least 1 hour. Over time, the biscuits soften and the whole thing turns into a sort of booze infused cakey roulade that you can slice and serve.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5S1fdDsQGI-4Y7Uvhm6-dl-uUi2siTqP_Bkr_Wzlf39Wu9W_b4NnYCd4-FQFWXS5hRgfp8Xm2MQd_kHdjLBQ1-ssXLnfQg_zYigQxGs8jP9mFC-df88aDwrh0NM8H6ksBKPfXLQ00/s1600/gingernut+log+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5S1fdDsQGI-4Y7Uvhm6-dl-uUi2siTqP_Bkr_Wzlf39Wu9W_b4NnYCd4-FQFWXS5hRgfp8Xm2MQd_kHdjLBQ1-ssXLnfQg_zYigQxGs8jP9mFC-df88aDwrh0NM8H6ksBKPfXLQ00/s400/gingernut+log+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I could have left it there, but when reminiscing about this, someone told me that their mum used to use a leftover gingernut to make a face to stick on the front to turn it into a caterpillar (or, more ambitiously, Dougal from The Magic Roundabout). How cute would that be? I tried it. Not very cute at all as it happens. This boss-eyed beast will see you in your nightmares.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkjq5Y3nagc1igI50LSooQL0IwPoyAEFE8fDflyqcM0wc99EKh_DOf0mydmhDS1lNwbCToyzI4wjU51wZ5Ig0wO7-J1qgy5tyBW6dBWdPqduNXOb9pLX2S6CG5PJylYFNVdV0BZ-N1/s1600/gingernut+log+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkjq5Y3nagc1igI50LSooQL0IwPoyAEFE8fDflyqcM0wc99EKh_DOf0mydmhDS1lNwbCToyzI4wjU51wZ5Ig0wO7-J1qgy5tyBW6dBWdPqduNXOb9pLX2S6CG5PJylYFNVdV0BZ-N1/s640/gingernut+log+6.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do not serve to Auntie Pat.</td></tr>
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-52350022880141928122017-07-10T08:22:00.003-07:002017-07-17T04:50:13.355-07:00Pacific Pie<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIx_iMxNz2RgMmaSXaCddiR3gGQh9pbzEKdxFp9Lrw6CO0B43q3ZdQoFxUl-iAcg8YUnqxYxLcPbahT75oBWRxk36oXEkGCTkupep2oOwVFleHduVkxSFcYZHBgdJsnHTACs-bBVHH/s1600/pacific+pie+header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIx_iMxNz2RgMmaSXaCddiR3gGQh9pbzEKdxFp9Lrw6CO0B43q3ZdQoFxUl-iAcg8YUnqxYxLcPbahT75oBWRxk36oXEkGCTkupep2oOwVFleHduVkxSFcYZHBgdJsnHTACs-bBVHH/s640/pacific+pie+header.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Recipe number 4 is top of the list of my friends' most hated family recipes from childhood. It provokes involuntary shudders in those that have experienced it, so I knew I was in for a special treat.<br />
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I didn't experience this particular horror; for some reason it was not in my mum's repertoire of meals, but you might have done. Everyone's recipe was slightly different, but they were all the same at heart. It also seems to have gone by a variety of names: Tuna Bake, Fish Surprise...but I went with Pacific Pie. <i>Because it's exotic</i>.<br />
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Brace yourself.<br />
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<b>Serves:</b> 4 very unlucky people<br />
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<b>Preparation time:</b> 2 minutes to put together, 20 minutes to cook<br />
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<b>Ingredients: </b><br />
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<b>1 tin tuna</b><br />
<b>1 tin Campbells condensed chicken soup </b><i>(at this point you're probably already thinking that things aren't looking good. Spoiler: it's not going to get any better).</i><br />
<b>Milk</b><br />
<b>1 tin green beans, drained</b><br />
<b>3 packets ready salted crisps, crushed.</b><br />
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<i><b>Note re ingredients: </b>some recipes call for the addition of sliced tomatoes. Some call for tinned peas instead of runner beans. Use whatever you want - this turd is never going to shine no matter how much you buff it up.</i><br />
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<b>Method:</b><br />
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<b>1.</b> Dump the tuna, beans, soup and 2 of the packets of crushed crisps in a casserole dish.<br />
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<b>2. </b>Half fill the soup tin with milk and throw that in too. I mean, why not? Stir it all up together and try not to cry.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hBw3nIO0aZPJqAzNfObyIgnTEoMJCHvKtKpxV37yCLdcLRTGiRd8t0tmKGdhQ2avWOWItvl9sF4XK3-ciSQbUYVmgzrfiiIJ1ZS1kMXx22a5jq8VLpUaLPKQXkLkWEIXSn5c0ESB/s1600/pacific+pie+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hBw3nIO0aZPJqAzNfObyIgnTEoMJCHvKtKpxV37yCLdcLRTGiRd8t0tmKGdhQ2avWOWItvl9sF4XK3-ciSQbUYVmgzrfiiIJ1ZS1kMXx22a5jq8VLpUaLPKQXkLkWEIXSn5c0ESB/s400/pacific+pie+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, you will be eating this. Yes, this could count as atonement for all your past sins.<br />
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3. Cheerfully sprinkle the remaining packet of crisps on top of the bowl of pink sludge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimym0ynO19qgzfxtcFxbijge_okGtrJzMRCjnALWj30uxHXmAJdNdLkZEBApCVGytZ5J_SvGef6x4gE3sXvhTr2ZB37fAKBcRPmchkVnlh77acgET3rxU3xqOpAhvDrJ8lYaOtxP1c/s1600/pacific+pie+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimym0ynO19qgzfxtcFxbijge_okGtrJzMRCjnALWj30uxHXmAJdNdLkZEBApCVGytZ5J_SvGef6x4gE3sXvhTr2ZB37fAKBcRPmchkVnlh77acgET3rxU3xqOpAhvDrJ8lYaOtxP1c/s400/pacific+pie+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This looks better, as will most things that you sprinkle with crisps.</td></tr>
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4. Bake in the oven at approx 200 degrees for about 20 minutes, until the air is rich with the scent of tuna and chemical food additives.</div>
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5. Dollop onto plates, where it will glisten like a blob of dog sick that's been rolled in crumbs. Maybe add potatoes and veg? IDK. Who's going to be that hungry when faced with this monstrosity?</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3xEn9oSPW2Yl64h3zUjtRWmdFvI0DQAOO14ArzrOoI7y3pvZGSDcssbd_UYfg1n6I-qUEdwKJIcNZSOIYIIEvFmhyphenhyphenbuZzN6nZpL_zgKAutJnn6TdUnXXX5-ybdl63q_y0Li5iE_K-/s1600/pacific+pie+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3xEn9oSPW2Yl64h3zUjtRWmdFvI0DQAOO14ArzrOoI7y3pvZGSDcssbd_UYfg1n6I-qUEdwKJIcNZSOIYIIEvFmhyphenhyphenbuZzN6nZpL_zgKAutJnn6TdUnXXX5-ybdl63q_y0Li5iE_K-/s400/pacific+pie+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Why can't you write a blog called That Looks Amazing?" wailed everyone.</td></tr>
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You know what though? It was surprisingly edible. If you ignore that it looks like it's already been half digested, it's quite tolerable. I hate runner beans and suspected that having these little nuggets of evil scattered throughout the dish would make for a taste treasure hunt akin to sieving through cat litter for crap, but I couldn't actually taste them at all.<br />
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And the biggest surprise of all? My 8 year old took one mouthful and started begging for me to make it again: "of all the food you've ever made, THIS IS THE BEST." (I was a chef in my youth and have died a bit inside since this comment). He shoveled it in and asked for seconds. We can only pray for his soul.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1970s mum cuisine: 1. Lisa: 0</td></tr>
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<b><br />Can you top this beast of a retro family recipe? Let me know in the comments and I'll give yours a test run.</b><br />
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-44965008848664094282017-07-06T10:37:00.000-07:002017-07-07T02:27:24.039-07:00Cheese Twigs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivWqiQzSlezbqro9vP4Um-cNxhzWwwX2vmN2E-2EZeWVMVv5jWYoB7JOu5bXX5w6vZBgiavKl3jKwdS2fgTogV_lWyp_Osein68C4-XTcZaN3STdrMzWM_QEYjF7ZS3hpzppkL5yd3/s1600/cheese+twigs+header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivWqiQzSlezbqro9vP4Um-cNxhzWwwX2vmN2E-2EZeWVMVv5jWYoB7JOu5bXX5w6vZBgiavKl3jKwdS2fgTogV_lWyp_Osein68C4-XTcZaN3STdrMzWM_QEYjF7ZS3hpzppkL5yd3/s640/cheese+twigs+header.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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At some point during the early eighties, my mum upped her birthday tea game by purchasing a book of recipes dedicated to children's party food. It was called Children's Party Cooking by Carole Handslip and was a sort of primitive exercise in Pinterest shaming as mums throughout the UK fucked up jelly rabbits and sandwiches that were supposed to look like boats. Here it is below:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLOUwYoxDOWj6WYYwut1K_LjMQIvCJFOKeZv3RI5R7J3K1vt47_wJhFecOk4UWUgYLnElBHgW5UHtSxDaWLDx1Nv5l8G8sGgGUfciuxlidgXZbxgPDBYADTjoJGAdnK74L6lfqho_3/s1600/children%2527s+party+cooking+carole+handslip+collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLOUwYoxDOWj6WYYwut1K_LjMQIvCJFOKeZv3RI5R7J3K1vt47_wJhFecOk4UWUgYLnElBHgW5UHtSxDaWLDx1Nv5l8G8sGgGUfciuxlidgXZbxgPDBYADTjoJGAdnK74L6lfqho_3/s640/children%2527s+party+cooking+carole+handslip+collage.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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My mum got about 3 pages into the book and obviously decided that she couldn't be arsed to go any further because she never made anything past that point. She did make Cheese Twigs though, and they featured at all of our birthday parties from then on. They were delicious actually, and they were the first thing I ever taught myself to make on my own. I made them A LOT. This is evidenced my all the ancient food splatters on the Cheese Twigs page of the book. Compare it to the page in which you have to create realistic swans out of choux pastry and you'll see that 80s me did at least know her limits. </div>
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Cheese Twigs were from the Tots Party section of the book (see above - incidentally, I once attempted to make that train birthday cake one June in a kitchen hotter than the sun, valiantly attempting to create something train-like while the heat melted the butter icing. I ended up with something that looked like a twisted nightmare involving Thomas the Tank Engine and a welder's torch; the screaming of his disfigured metal face, his paintwork melting, the Fat Controller screaming "YOU HAVE CAUSED CONFUSION AND DELAY" repeatedly. That's probably a whole other blog entry).</div>
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<b>Serves: </b>It depends. I have been known to eat the whole lot by myself in one sitting, but I have issues. </div>
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<b>Preparation time:</b> 5-10 minutes faffing, 10 minutes in the oven.</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
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125g (4oz) plain flour</div>
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pinch of salt</div>
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50g (2oz) butter or margarine</div>
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75g (3 oz) grated cheddar cheese</div>
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1 Oxo cube</div>
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1 egg yolk</div>
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2-3 teaspoons water</div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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<b>1.</b> Put your flour, salt and butter in a bowl. Rub in the butter until it resembles - as Nigella would say - "damp sand".</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI7j0jT50JqZ-u0ipnr6qxJlqptJAZdQtcnNv1ivBbpdJ4NA_8wUNv7Qbr_C1OTKkNuCGrCfIi24rcck8hVNJylYnorD4I7ilEyxJXxyZzQlrYpHlG2utBm7PMFQ3a9SHct7DEFO_F/s1600/cheese+twigs+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="736" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI7j0jT50JqZ-u0ipnr6qxJlqptJAZdQtcnNv1ivBbpdJ4NA_8wUNv7Qbr_C1OTKkNuCGrCfIi24rcck8hVNJylYnorD4I7ilEyxJXxyZzQlrYpHlG2utBm7PMFQ3a9SHct7DEFO_F/s400/cheese+twigs+3.jpg" width="306" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here I am doing my best Nigella kitchen sex pout whilst holding my bowl of damp sand.<br />
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<b>2.</b> Crumble in the Oxo cube and stir this and the cheese into the mixture.<br />
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<b>3.</b> Add the egg yolk and water and mix to form a firm dough.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xd2kiWBzMJViGWHZ4mo4YgXQkzljCGTzt1SS1CbssPr68TjWC0Y07PaFzIxSdAL_Z2KX170dtlEbbSF851PLm4pQYXfAqCmFOD0H3WAQIf8xdt7MRq3FHwxM64H8Ssxaf5WaHxH0/s1600/cheese+twigs+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5xd2kiWBzMJViGWHZ4mo4YgXQkzljCGTzt1SS1CbssPr68TjWC0Y07PaFzIxSdAL_Z2KX170dtlEbbSF851PLm4pQYXfAqCmFOD0H3WAQIf8xdt7MRq3FHwxM64H8Ssxaf5WaHxH0/s400/cheese+twigs+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>4. </b>Roll to about 5mm thick and cut into strips about 5mm wide. Place on a baking sheet on a baking tray.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG8UF5LKm35FUPfN3OJjjONMX5lWIlFhQxRPDbRykbE19rlHj02VU5vSF2uSl7lXbHG0dywYLw-uAZNxcZqsCHBrI_tbRmtwy7Cudmik3U8NWqQCR44004na0yX_mjxKMKACnkSQ5s/s1600/cheese+twigs+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="802" data-original-width="960" height="333" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG8UF5LKm35FUPfN3OJjjONMX5lWIlFhQxRPDbRykbE19rlHj02VU5vSF2uSl7lXbHG0dywYLw-uAZNxcZqsCHBrI_tbRmtwy7Cudmik3U8NWqQCR44004na0yX_mjxKMKACnkSQ5s/s400/cheese+twigs+5.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As you can see, boredom set in and I shoved any old shape on the tray after a bit.<br />
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<b>5.</b> Bake in a preheated oven at 200 C for 8-10 minutes, then leave to cool. Put in your fanciest party dish and serve,<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5kGGo6gOclpXg8xSphD5QakHhSOYgSa15leUGALvbNR6MsCblbKxcc979To9oU8Bf1LWU2jF3hPvVwkmbjP7mDtfGErkCBwh1Uy30iRs79Ps2VYTwiwgzX1xANyizcmd_dvMzJwV/s1600/cheese+twigs+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE5kGGo6gOclpXg8xSphD5QakHhSOYgSa15leUGALvbNR6MsCblbKxcc979To9oU8Bf1LWU2jF3hPvVwkmbjP7mDtfGErkCBwh1Uy30iRs79Ps2VYTwiwgzX1xANyizcmd_dvMzJwV/s400/cheese+twigs+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How horrible is this glass apple dish? SO horrible, right? I love it.</td></tr>
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You'd think I'd leave it there wouldn't you? But as I am giving this whole 70s and 80s cooking business a thorough testing, I decided to go one step further and recreate the sandwich house decorated with cheese twigs from the book (see book photos above). My mum never did this and I always felt cheated. I suspect that she knew that any parent who presented sandwiches that resembled a realistic thatched cottage at their kid's birthday party was a smug dickhead. I, however, never pass up the opportunity to be a dickhead so I went boldly forth.</div>
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I had to downsize the cottage as I was only making sandwiches for myself, and I didn't have any celery or parsley, so had to make do with cucumber and broccoli, but I think I did OK. I even followed the suggestion of using a blob of cream cheese on the carrot stick chimney to resemble <strike>smoke</strike> jizz.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-itmaiKPvucbyAsNUosEOPyZMt1bzzDLXXSkHZyNNF3njlVPzdiyqpxm5Znh-sNaI_1sdd8GquyxXvc7HV9B-Dm4LWwcu_UQRaxvTtYbN203uHlq8COhQNaDOc0lJgsLx26LhEF1v/s1600/sandwich+house.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-itmaiKPvucbyAsNUosEOPyZMt1bzzDLXXSkHZyNNF3njlVPzdiyqpxm5Znh-sNaI_1sdd8GquyxXvc7HV9B-Dm4LWwcu_UQRaxvTtYbN203uHlq8COhQNaDOc0lJgsLx26LhEF1v/s640/sandwich+house.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BEHOLD.<br />
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I thank you.</td></tr>
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Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-12854414443061532942017-07-03T12:56:00.001-07:002017-07-17T04:52:20.808-07:00Chocolate Crackle Flan <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5BCs5G13pHIzdfUhvv0jlX5xaCBWdG1Y8fXmPA-APVkvuwzyx7CJtOJ6GMLVbl5A0q6lEDtuu6FW_s7m2alnU-QNWcmjMDffqCAlfVqkB5FCH86BW6Erpf4tnh5JvYG2BzvuE5hBN/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+header+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5BCs5G13pHIzdfUhvv0jlX5xaCBWdG1Y8fXmPA-APVkvuwzyx7CJtOJ6GMLVbl5A0q6lEDtuu6FW_s7m2alnU-QNWcmjMDffqCAlfVqkB5FCH86BW6Erpf4tnh5JvYG2BzvuE5hBN/s640/chocolate+crackle+flan+header+image.jpg" width="640" /> </a></div>
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Recipe number 2 is a personal one; one that my mum made regularly throughout my childhood. In fact, she made this so often that I didn't realise that it wasn't really a thing until fairly recently. She first made it in Domestic Science class at school, and apparently it was off the back of a Cornflake packet or something.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUa5tvun7Q5XZ2HPJ0Y23unNTcHIdGP73dHTq5pZL6et2A4wDvds1Jiu7WLORadfKK-MojjGct4mfKfkQzjf1j05cobj5BYm4RDJH_IEvF6TyLqKrEH-PlR8uA0AnqOawaSOpd7wID/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUa5tvun7Q5XZ2HPJ0Y23unNTcHIdGP73dHTq5pZL6et2A4wDvds1Jiu7WLORadfKK-MojjGct4mfKfkQzjf1j05cobj5BYm4RDJH_IEvF6TyLqKrEH-PlR8uA0AnqOawaSOpd7wID/s400/chocolate+crackle+flan+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Straight from my mother's recipe book.</td></tr>
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Chocolate Crackle Flan basically consists of a giant Cornflake crispy cake construction stuffed full of fake cream and underwhelming fruit. Kids love it, possibly because it's so sweet that it could rot your teeth just by being in the same room as you. My mum was under the impression that it was a brilliant way to get fruit into reluctant children back in the day. Read the recipe and you'll see that the whole thing - which serves 6 - only contains 1 apple and 1 banana, so I won't laud her as a health guru just yet. She also used to make it when we were ill because she knew we'd eat it even if we didn't fancy anything else. It is reasons like this that I am a bit fat.</div>
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On to the recipe:</div>
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<b>Serves: </b>About 6 people. Or a family of 4 with seconds.<br />
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<b>Preparation time: </b>about half an hour but you've got to add about 15 minutes for it to cool in the fridge as well.</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
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<b>2oz butter or margarine</b></div>
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<b>2 level tablespoons golden syrup</b></div>
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<b>2oz chocolate</b></div>
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<b>1oz sugar</b></div>
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<b>3oz crushed Cornflakes (or cheapo substitute)</b></div>
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<b>1 banana</b></div>
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<b>1 apple</b></div>
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<b>quarter of a pint of milk</b></div>
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<b>1 sachet of Dream Topping (or cream - see note)</b><i><b> </b></i></div>
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<i><b>Note: </b>If you're being posh you can sub the milk and Dream Topping powder for a quarter of a pint of double cream with a bit of vanilla extract and sugar in it, but if you're going peak 70s you're going to want to use the Dream Topping.</i></div>
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<i><b>Also note: </b>The original recipe also called for raisins, but seeing as they are the devil's droppings, I will not be using them and my mum didn't either. </i></div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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<b>1. </b>Stir the butter, golden syrup, sugar and chocolate in a pan until it is melted and combined.<br />
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<b>2.</b> Add the crushed cornflakes and mix well.</div>
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<b>3. </b>You're now going to grease a 7" (or so) cake tin and squish the mixture into it to form a sort of flan case, so the mixture will need to be pressed up the side of the tin as well as onto the bottom. Pay attention to my mum's top tip, or it can be a bitch to remove from the tin later: <i>"You have to grease the pan then cut two wide long strips of grease proof paper and line the tin with them in a cross shape, then grease the paper too. This helps you to lever the flan out when it's ready."</i> Judging from the amount of swearing and shrieking that used to come from the kitchen whenever she tried to get this out of the pan and the state it used to look when it came to the table sometimes, I'd say that there's at least a 50% chance of it all going tits up anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiktwOkdF64TAbnVhm44UFPvi0wO5asVCrWMbmw8DsHqGrphtjfd2iSZz393Jgn_SEzNzxPQ1W7IRmjkHEmq1zymy1Q2EwiJpYPZO9xn5c0PTENBPe_GO5ffBcapKcfYwwXkuTjEx8/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiktwOkdF64TAbnVhm44UFPvi0wO5asVCrWMbmw8DsHqGrphtjfd2iSZz393Jgn_SEzNzxPQ1W7IRmjkHEmq1zymy1Q2EwiJpYPZO9xn5c0PTENBPe_GO5ffBcapKcfYwwXkuTjEx8/s400/chocolate+crackle+flan+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">note spectacular grease proof paper cross formation.</td></tr>
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<b>4.</b> Put the base in the fridge to chill for at least 10 minutes. Meanwhile, whip up your cream or Dream Topping and thinly slice the fruit.<br />
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<b>5.</b> Spread a small amount of cream onto the base and layer on the fruit.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbXym5_5c2xDOKUv-U803Duw2MKvx7t78GWsQANiGNwEFVunZKWaaU5taSmG3ELZ7EDgw_-EdjmuT8sczU1lZ5CjKCmH1KMraJ8R-Jg9g29LbPmlcFnTeZq1zpnstJP9CHVYqgp0ew/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbXym5_5c2xDOKUv-U803Duw2MKvx7t78GWsQANiGNwEFVunZKWaaU5taSmG3ELZ7EDgw_-EdjmuT8sczU1lZ5CjKCmH1KMraJ8R-Jg9g29LbPmlcFnTeZq1zpnstJP9CHVYqgp0ew/s400/chocolate+crackle+flan+3.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>6.</b> Pile the cream/Dream Topping on top, and spread until the fruit is covered. Stick it back into the fridge until you're ready to serve it.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDvnPubzaSnUGaAr6dJZco9zecDY7qF-2Cql6swAtfBLOZeZCQyODZmtEqe6fMBQsNfjI9rXdqxWKAV0f422qZGUuUrGfk1vxqI6Y8d9wW2mOIDVX8SLmiX6jMdBQoUF1C-Fv50s-7/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDvnPubzaSnUGaAr6dJZco9zecDY7qF-2Cql6swAtfBLOZeZCQyODZmtEqe6fMBQsNfjI9rXdqxWKAV0f422qZGUuUrGfk1vxqI6Y8d9wW2mOIDVX8SLmiX6jMdBQoUF1C-Fv50s-7/s400/chocolate+crackle+flan+4.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>7.</b> Use the superbly constructed greaseproof paper cross formation to coax the flan out of the tin. It's more authentic if you call it a stubborn little bitch at this point. Ease it onto a plate and apply 1 metric fuck-tonne of hundreds and thousands. Because in the 70s and 80s, it just wasn't pudding unless it had a coating of multi-coloured grit.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUycP3JCdXepwX1gqB7D6FmUj8TlMIupPl7PJkH8ocGZ1pTrayJrlmO1O9C5YDa5ZQHKOZkJeU7arzWiy3hEij_nCSgjTF4AU3-4G2BEKZw540YJ2TENzBHa_zUn7WmRvh2CbER4W/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUycP3JCdXepwX1gqB7D6FmUj8TlMIupPl7PJkH8ocGZ1pTrayJrlmO1O9C5YDa5ZQHKOZkJeU7arzWiy3hEij_nCSgjTF4AU3-4G2BEKZw540YJ2TENzBHa_zUn7WmRvh2CbER4W/s400/chocolate+crackle+flan+5.jpg" width="400" /> </a></div>
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<b>8. </b>Cut into slices and serve. </div>
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"I need to have a serious think about this one," says my chief tester. "It's confused me. It's like two different puddings have merged. It's all too much."</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaRvnPPF57ijrIw1tZzi7DimznJTCBp344sj_UnZUXMTBkGpWeoMiroYw0EUXdWkaV3N-W7gL-g7_5RhLXExNp9VWipIukEkl4uagIw7L_VBBtxKVv3CSH4nZ_gIS_pNOCK5TyRZf_/s1600/chocolate+crackle+flan+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaRvnPPF57ijrIw1tZzi7DimznJTCBp344sj_UnZUXMTBkGpWeoMiroYw0EUXdWkaV3N-W7gL-g7_5RhLXExNp9VWipIukEkl4uagIw7L_VBBtxKVv3CSH4nZ_gIS_pNOCK5TyRZf_/s640/chocolate+crackle+flan+7.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>Notes:</b></div>
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* Grated chocolate is another acceptable decorative touch for this recipe, as are glace cherries.<br />
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** You could replace the apple and banana with more exciting fruits such as raspberries and pomegranate seeds, but to be honest you just need to get over yourself.</div>
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<b>Got a bizarre old family recipe for me to try out? Let me know in the comments...</b></div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5792853933753813307.post-64167405749384658302017-06-30T03:58:00.004-07:002017-07-01T01:57:06.206-07:00Crispy Cowboy Bake<iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fthatlooksdisgusting.blogspot.co.uk%2F2017%2F06%2Fcrispy-cowboy-bake.html&width=450&layout=standard&action=like&size=small&show_faces=true&share=true&height=80&appId" width="450" height="80" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7efQcdTcyZcax6rue2kpSzktyIweSX9nze9UbEnlNOg5KLU926f9PIxD-VxZYRS9DlUBN0ZsBPOlOIpIh2DAWrsaEG46tvXVC-7k70Drtk5NYokYJYgceCFjfOe9jO9iTvuMwH3ET/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+titlepic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="698" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7efQcdTcyZcax6rue2kpSzktyIweSX9nze9UbEnlNOg5KLU926f9PIxD-VxZYRS9DlUBN0ZsBPOlOIpIh2DAWrsaEG46tvXVC-7k70Drtk5NYokYJYgceCFjfOe9jO9iTvuMwH3ET/s640/crispy+cowboy+bake+titlepic.jpg" width="483" /></a></div>
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I thought I'd kick off the blog with the recipe that I feel most embodies what we're trying to achieve here.</div>
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It ticks all the boxes:<br />
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<b>1. It's mainly brown.</b><br />
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<b>2. It looks like something decomposed on a plate but tastes of sheer joy.</b></div>
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<b>3. Someone's mum used to make it in the 80s.</b></div>
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<b>4. You can make it up as you go along.</b></div>
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<b>5. It has one truly bewildering feature.</b></div>
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So ladies and gentlemen, I give you...<b>Crispy Cowboy Bake</b>.</div>
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This is my friend Andy's mum's recipe. Well, she claims to have found it in Womans Weekly or something back in the early 80s, but I'm pretty sure that nobody ever made this apart from Andy's mum so I'm going to credit her with that honour. I've changed the ingredients for this recipe in a few places, so it's not exactly like the original. Sorry about that, Andy's mum; I just really like sausages.</div>
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<b>Serves: </b>2 adults and 2 children. Or 2-3 really greedy adults.</div>
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<b>Preparation time:</b> 5 minutes to chop everything up, about 30 minutes to cook</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
<i><b>Note:</b> You can more or less replace most of this with any old crap from the fridge, so feel free to go rogue.</i><br />
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<b>1 packet of sausages </b>- the original recipe called for mince so feel free to substitute. I just felt that sausages were more cowboy-y</div>
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<b>1 tin of baked beans</b></div>
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<b>1 small onion</b></div>
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<b>1 clove of garlic </b></div>
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<b>random veg</b> (I used mushrooms and a pepper but bung in whatever needs to be used up)</div>
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<b>Cheddar cheese</b></div>
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<b>4 slices of bread</b> - no artisan loaves. This is 1982 so you must use plastic white bread from the corner shop</div>
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<b>Butter or margarine</b></div>
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<b>MARMITE</b> (If you hate Marmite you could use Bovril instead. BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG).</div>
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<b>Method:</b></div>
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1. Chop up your veg and sausages. You don't have to set them out on a 70s patterned Lazy Susan like I have here, but why would you not?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ijrxUubRw9iNDPuRrkKpQmLvBTpVjDzDD4h5K4fJtTJ6uP7zSffFTEwbtKdycpiRlGzegxQyR64FV1FPuQ0IxbLwiTAwUnrd6ZmoQ3RPUN9SXZsX37ScZin8-w-3p4ZJ0nYZgdLI/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+ingredients.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7ijrxUubRw9iNDPuRrkKpQmLvBTpVjDzDD4h5K4fJtTJ6uP7zSffFTEwbtKdycpiRlGzegxQyR64FV1FPuQ0IxbLwiTAwUnrd6ZmoQ3RPUN9SXZsX37ScZin8-w-3p4ZJ0nYZgdLI/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+ingredients.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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2. Fry the onions and garlic in a large pan until translucent. Add the sausage and cook through.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4dBZpl0HH4jYm1d7Qat5AeYpHovRV2v3tCVkxgi7aGnoJZAlTz2HL1fzyixqqRgop14n6WvHnIzSJqWsnx1hmQEjGsa8sGkXLMZm4y9qddBNNZT4bAw-EFQYRNOPZJoSsOTEpFAtB/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="897" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4dBZpl0HH4jYm1d7Qat5AeYpHovRV2v3tCVkxgi7aGnoJZAlTz2HL1fzyixqqRgop14n6WvHnIzSJqWsnx1hmQEjGsa8sGkXLMZm4y9qddBNNZT4bAw-EFQYRNOPZJoSsOTEpFAtB/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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3. Add the veg, the tin of baked beans and a teaspoon or two of Marmite, stir and leave to cook for another few minutes. </div>
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4. Meanwhile, use the bread, butter and more Marmite to make Marmite sandwiches.Cut them into 4 triangles each and set aside.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHnw-0_lwEUmsfJ6ej61iN0LnahGB6AF7bZbIa_D3DBVKnIjUyvTQZMPYiQ3dDeTkBsKRfYiPNArdZoRZHp7a6mZGPrrLurGoQajp3VcG-4kVvJkLfzSnUhoxCikUmOzQdgVOi3Lq2/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+marmite+sandwiches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="680" data-original-width="720" height="377" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHnw-0_lwEUmsfJ6ej61iN0LnahGB6AF7bZbIa_D3DBVKnIjUyvTQZMPYiQ3dDeTkBsKRfYiPNArdZoRZHp7a6mZGPrrLurGoQajp3VcG-4kVvJkLfzSnUhoxCikUmOzQdgVOi3Lq2/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+marmite+sandwiches.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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5. Transfer the sausage mixture into an ovenproof dish. Top with the Marmite sandwiches. Yes, you're topping a sausage strew thing with sandwiches. Shhh, don't question it, just do it. Now sprinkle on some cheddar cheese. I haven't provided a quantity for the cheese. Just do what you want here. Feel free to smother that tasty bastard.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCCCTAmEEusrIq0kKoyx19Fzlu2y62X6QSSoNYRCQtVNUje99WsxyeuJmQDHsfI268gUqF8tcNTP7pLfqtOtV2SX8COI4_loe9N1JgYEH3zcFIl1N_8AiwKOiR9wz9xbEyi0ehoi-/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCCCTAmEEusrIq0kKoyx19Fzlu2y62X6QSSoNYRCQtVNUje99WsxyeuJmQDHsfI268gUqF8tcNTP7pLfqtOtV2SX8COI4_loe9N1JgYEH3zcFIl1N_8AiwKOiR9wz9xbEyi0ehoi-/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+6.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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6. Bake in the oven at 200 degrees until the cheese is melted and bubbling and the sandwiches have turned into toast. This will probably take about 15 minutes. Put it on a plate and enjoy.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgphaCJSlnAW6sNzQ4b7ywBKZrRW_SsNl7IPvkTyCdcI36nVzhiu70chcBz6zw6tB-afBy7oBaQ8o-qiBPZpl_kjOdeJVaUM8RdZe1R7XnWmunk3N0JAJ48LTZl6qvQwbifGSAUx7-x/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="410" data-original-width="704" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgphaCJSlnAW6sNzQ4b7ywBKZrRW_SsNl7IPvkTyCdcI36nVzhiu70chcBz6zw6tB-afBy7oBaQ8o-qiBPZpl_kjOdeJVaUM8RdZe1R7XnWmunk3N0JAJ48LTZl6qvQwbifGSAUx7-x/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+5.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">observe the crispy marmitey filth</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8AaARuYNHbNlkqzXt9uPAhu6wwLYvORY6eFcewLkadoUrOdun5-hFjKFD5leUFrtHyPRvEuyw26FDuLn-V0N5ol61WX3VjzXHIryHxFccgJy393CTBvmfQK8xFvfR9Bco15IGCpet/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="739" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8AaARuYNHbNlkqzXt9uPAhu6wwLYvORY6eFcewLkadoUrOdun5-hFjKFD5leUFrtHyPRvEuyw26FDuLn-V0N5ol61WX3VjzXHIryHxFccgJy393CTBvmfQK8xFvfR9Bco15IGCpet/s400/crispy+cowboy+bake+3.jpg" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">get it on your plate</td></tr>
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There you have it, people. You can serve it with potatoes and vegetables if you like, and we'd probably have done this in the 70s and 80s (most probably those rank frozen runner beans that my mum insisted on dishing up day after day), but it contains protein, carbs and veg anyway so it's fine as it is.</div>
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Give it a try. Remember, you can swap the sausages for beef or lamb mince, kidney beans or whatever roast meat needs to be used up. You can add stock, worcestershire sauce, use Bovril instead of Marmite - whatever you like. Let me know how it works out for you in the comments.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_hzvrR-36oNlvVpjVmovG_7AcTzWixlWnxu1ToE-I1YlM8w-XF1ymzGHUfTNd6GJ5aO9XwXb1_ykyi6zruh9BrSmvWk0sNz3BfXQHWFy6CqAJiOUsEG0wcGNCUdTdvXMWum8f9qiq/s1600/crispy+cowboy+bake+titlepic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="698" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_hzvrR-36oNlvVpjVmovG_7AcTzWixlWnxu1ToE-I1YlM8w-XF1ymzGHUfTNd6GJ5aO9XwXb1_ykyi6zruh9BrSmvWk0sNz3BfXQHWFy6CqAJiOUsEG0wcGNCUdTdvXMWum8f9qiq/s640/crispy+cowboy+bake+titlepic.jpg" width="483" /></a></div>
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Got a bizarre old family recipes you'd like me to try? Email me at lisajarmin@hotmail.co.uk or tell me about it in the comments and I'll feature it.</div>
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<br />Lisa Jarminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02729996498193382598noreply@blogger.com6