Monday, 10 July 2017

Pacific Pie

Recipe number 4 is top of the list of my friends' most hated family recipes from childhood. It provokes involuntary shudders in those that have experienced it, so I knew I was in for a special treat.

I didn't experience this particular horror; for some reason it was not in my mum's repertoire of meals, but you might have done. Everyone's recipe was slightly different, but they were all the same at heart. It also seems to have gone by a variety of names: Tuna Bake, Fish Surprise...but I went with Pacific Pie. Because it's exotic.

Brace yourself.

Serves: 4 very unlucky people

Preparation time: 2 minutes to put together, 20 minutes to cook


1 tin tuna
1 tin Campbells condensed chicken soup (at this point you're probably already thinking that things aren't looking good. Spoiler: it's not going to get any better).
1 tin green beans, drained
3 packets ready salted crisps, crushed.

Note re ingredients: some recipes call for the addition of sliced tomatoes. Some call for tinned peas instead of runner beans. Use whatever you want - this turd is never going to shine no matter how much you buff it up.


1. Dump the tuna, beans, soup and 2 of the packets of crushed crisps in a casserole dish.

2. Half fill the soup tin with milk and throw that in too. I mean, why not? Stir it all up together and try not to cry.

Yes, you will be eating this. Yes, this could count as atonement for all your past sins.

3. Cheerfully sprinkle the remaining packet of crisps on top of the bowl of pink sludge.

This looks better, as will most things that you sprinkle with crisps.

4. Bake in the oven at approx 200 degrees for about 20 minutes, until the air is rich with the scent of tuna and chemical food additives.

5. Dollop onto plates, where it will glisten like a blob of dog sick that's been rolled in crumbs. Maybe add potatoes and veg? IDK. Who's going to be that hungry when faced with this monstrosity?

"Why can't you write a blog called That Looks Amazing?" wailed everyone.

You know what though? It was surprisingly edible. If you ignore that it looks like it's already been half digested, it's quite tolerable. I hate runner beans and suspected that having these little nuggets of evil scattered throughout the dish would make for a taste treasure hunt akin to sieving through cat litter for crap, but I couldn't actually taste them at all.

And the biggest surprise of all? My 8 year old took one mouthful and started begging for me to make it again: "of all the food you've ever made, THIS IS THE BEST." (I was a chef in my youth and have died a bit inside since this comment). He shoveled it in and asked for seconds. We can only pray for his soul.

1970s mum cuisine: 1.    Lisa: 0

Can you top this beast of a retro family recipe? Let me know in the comments and I'll give yours a test run.

1 comment:

  1. This sounds absolutely grim - of COURSE children would adore it.